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Death Facebook Twitter Instagram Social Media Passwords

Death and Social Media Passwords
Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram

What is Your Digital Legacy Plan?

Most people plan to document their final wishes in a last will and testament but not many consider including instructions on what should happen to their Facebook page when they die. With over 1.9 billion users on Facebook, over 300 million on Twitter, and who knows how many on other online sites, having a digital legacy plan is becoming more important than ever in these modern times.

Where do you Start?

It’s difficult enough trying to remember login passwords, so creating a detailed plan for all your email and social media accounts can seem like a daunting task. Still, it’s best to start planning sooner rather than later, and some of the media apps already have documented plans for dealing with accounts of the deceased. Here’s how Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram handle it:

What happens to my Facebook page when I die?

Facebook is the most popular networking app in the world and they offer two options for your profile after your death:

1. Memorialization – your profile can be memorialized to serve as a gathering place for family and friends to post memories and remembrances. You can choose to memorialize your page in advance by selecting a “legacy contact” to administer the account after your passing. The legacy contact (who needs to be a Facebook friend) will be responsible for managing the account, e.g., updating profile pictures or responding to friend requests. However, they have limited capabilities and cannot read your private messages or gain full access to your profile.

2. Permanent deletion – this option can also be requested in advance. Once your account is permanently deleted, it will no longer be seen on Facebook and cannot be reactivated. You’ll still need to select a legacy contact for this, but the person won’t be able to log into your account or make posts/updates.

Note that only verified immediate family members can ask Facebook to remove a loved one’s account, and they must provide either a valid death certificate or proof of authority and proof of their loved one’s passing in order to get the account deactivated.

What happens to my Twitter profile when I die?

Twitter’s policy states that they can only deactivate a dead person’s account based on a request from a verified family member or estate executor. After the deactivation request is received, Twitter ensures validity by obtaining details such as the death certificate, obituary information, and requester identification. Only then will the deceased’s account be removed from the site.

Twitter also states they are unable to provide account access to anyone other than the account owner, regardless of their relationship to the deceased. So without the necessary proof of death, vital statistics, and no memorialization options, a dead person’s Twitter account is often left as is, which can sometimes lead to unfortunate tweets from beyond.

What happens to my Instagram account when I die?

Instagram is owned by Facebook so they also offer account removal or memorialization based on a valid request from an immediate family member. The requester must fill out a form to get the process started and provide proof of death (death certificate, obituary notice) as well as evidence that they are related to the deceased. Unlike their parent company, Instagram does not allow you to choose removal or memorialization in advance, and they do not provide account access or login details for a memorialized account.

Creating a Digital Legacy Plan

Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram comprise only a small share of an average person’s digital legacy. Other digital assets include various online accounts such as:

  • Email
  • Personal & business websites
  • Social media profiles (LinkedIn, Pinterest, YouTube, Google+, Snapchat)
  • Communication apps (Skype, WhatsApp, FaceTime)
  • Gaming (Xbox, Wii, PlayStation)
  • Financial service sites (banking, trading, retirement)
  • Shopping sites (Amazon, eBay, Craigslist, brand stores)
  • Entertainment accounts (Netflix, Hulu, cable tv)
  • Other apps & accounts (Uber, Airbnb, Expedia, PayPal, etc.)

The list can go on forever depending on how extensive your digital footprint is. That’s why it’s important to make a digital legacy plan and select a “digital executor” to manage, protect, and preserve your online assets. Getting started on the planning process early is the only way to ensure all your accounts are handled properly in accordance with your end of life plans and preferences.

Choose a digital executor who is technically savvy and sensitive to the confidential details of your digital estate. Whoever you select will need to be aware of state laws governing access to a person’s digital assets.

The Revised Fiduciary Access to Digital Assets Act, completed by the Uniform Law Commission and currently enacted in 35 states, allows fiduciaries or executors to manage digital property like computer files, web domains, and virtual currency. However, the Act restricts access to electronic communications such as email, text messages, and social media accounts unless the original user consented in a will, living trust, power of attorney, or other record. If you already have a will, you can add your digital legacy plan to your will to ensure legality.

Creating a digital legacy plan to manage your online assets is just as important as having a will to protect your physical assets when you die, so make sure to include one in your end of life decision-making process. It will give you and your family much-needed peace of mind when the time comes.

Contributed by Christine Gatuiria at FuneralContentCreative. She writes and creates engaging content for the funeral and death care industry.

Death and Taxes

Death and Taxes are Certain

Most of us have heard the old adage; “the two certainties in life are death and taxes“.  As a result of this statement, National Healthcare Decisions Day comes every year on April 16th, the day after taxes.  The goal is to attempt to bring these two matters together.

Jane Markley tells her clients; “Most of us dutifully complete our taxes every year.  So why not also make time to review your end of life plans and advance directives as well?”  Truth be told, completing your plans for death requires much less time and effort than completing your taxes.  Furthermore, completing your death matters only needs to be done once, whereas taxes must be completed each and every year.

It’s NEVER Too Soon

For those of you who haven’t had “the end of life conversation”, and/or documented your healthcare wishes and other final plans and preferences, please remember this all-important statement:  It’s only too soon…until it is too late.”

Knowing you love your family and loved ones, ask yourself this question;  “What is holding you up from completing key matters such as your end of life planning, funeral estate planning, last will, power of attorney, and advance directives?”

Plan NOW!  We Can Help

When it comes to death and taxes, it is very easy to find reasons to procrastinate and postpone these matters.  However, please let us help you preplan and “give the gift of love” to your family and friends.

Don’t wait for the crisis.  Don’t wait until it’s too late.  Don’t leave your loves ones in a difficult situation.  Don’t wait until it’s to late to learn how to prepay funeral expenses.  Let us help you make this difficult situation a little easier.  Let us help you have “the conversation” now, plan and prepare in advance today!

Your First Step is EASY

A great way to start is to click here and access our free Family Record Guide.  You won’t regret it, your loved ones will thank you, and you will leave a legacy of love!

Orbital Memorials Offers Memorial Spaceflights

Memorial Technology

New Memorial Spaceflight
Offered by Orbital Memorials

One of the most innovative and cutting-edge memorial technology tools is a memorial spaceflight.  Memorial spaceflights provide the opportunity for your loved one to experience space and be forever immortalized above earth, on the moon, or in deep space.

In the case of an orbital memorial package, your loved one’s cremated remains will orbit the earth from 3 weeks to 2 months, before its orbit naturally begins to reenter the atmosphere. This occurs at very high speeds and temperatures causing the satellite and its contents to become a trail of ionized gas, also known as a shooting star.

Benefits of Spaceflight

  1. Visit the final frontier: your loved one can visit a realm visited by few, and dreamed of by many.
  2. Shooting star: your loved one will be immortalized upon reentry into earth’s atmosphere in a shooting-star like blaze of glory.
  3. As cremations are becoming more popular, there are a growing number of ways to memorialize your loved one. Spaceflight allows sending only a portion of ashes, leaving the remainder for you to keep.
  4. Spaceflight is possible whether your loved one has recently passed, or if their remains have been preserved.

Our Preferred Provider:
Orbital Memorials

Orbital Memorials provides a low-cost entry point into spaceflight memorial services. In addition to hosting an online store for all services, making purchasing services easy, they include launch updates and a memorial package after the flight.

This memorial package includes a permanent keepsake replica of the pod sent to space, space flight tickets with the launch date, and a space flight patch.

Saying the Right Things When You Offer Sympathies

How to Offer Sympathy

Saying the Right Things
When You Offer Sympathies

What do you say to your best friend after the death of his father? How do you comfort your cousin who has lost a spouse? And what words can comfort a parent who has lost their child? These are common thoughts for anyone when trying to decide how to offer sympathies to a family member or friend who is suffering from grief and loss.

Don’t Avoid the Issue

Instead of trying to talk around the subject, acknowledge the situation. It is appropriate to say that you heard that a person died even if it occurred some time ago. This lets the other person know that you are willing to talk about it and allows them to say what they want.

You should always be honest and sincere even if that means admitting that you don’t know what to say. Sometimes just saying that you are sorry about the situation is enough. You can say it in a variety of ways.

  • “I’m sorry to hear about your loss.”
  • “I’m sorry that you are going through this.”
  • “I want you to know how sorry I am that this has happened to you.”

Showing your concern lets the other person know that he or she is not alone.

Be Supportive

You may feel like you should be doing something for the grieving person. It feels awkward to just stand or sit and talk about the situation. If you are the type of person who wants to “fix” things, you should use that attitude in this situation. While you can’t fix it, you can do things to make the burden easier.

Some examples of support include helping out with tasks around the house or caring for children so that the person can deal with other jobs. You may be able to take on some projects that the deceased handled, especially important when the people are older. Maybe he mowed the lawn or she cooked dinner. Now that they are gone, this task is left up to the family member. They may feel overwhelmed at all of the work to do and appreciate you taking on the responsibility for a few days or weeks.

One of the best ways to offer ongoing support is by asking how the person feels. This allows them to deal with their feelings and express any concerns they are having. This is a good question to ask even months later because grief doesn’t go away in a few days. Only the support seems to lessen as time goes by. When you receive an answer to your question, don’t assume that means you have to respond or “make them feel better.” Just the act of telling you that today is a bad day or they spent the morning crying can be enough.

The most important thing to remember about how to offer sympathy to people who are dealing with the loss of a loved one is that the words don’t matter as much as you think. It is the meaning and the intention behind the words.

 

Contributing editor is Suzie Kolber from http://obituarieshelp.org

By |April 23rd, 2016|Categories: Death, Grief and Loss, How to Offer Sympathy, Sympathy|Tags: , , , , |Comments Off on Saying the Right Things When You Offer Sympathies

Funeral Etiquette for the Bereaved

Funeral Etiquette for
Sympathizing with the Bereaved

The death of a close friend or family member is almost certainly the most difficult event that a person will experience. Observing appropriate funeral etiquette in terms of our words and actions is very important, although it can be hard for us to know exactly what to say and how to act when someone close to us has lost a loved one.

What to Do

Upon hearing of the death:

  • Acknowledge it in whatever way feels most appropriate. Even a short, simple phone call is preferable to taking no action at all to try and comfort the deceased person’s family.
  • If you are a very close friend of the family, it is a good idea to visit them. If you are a little more distant, sending funeral flowers or a sympathy card may be more suitable.
  • Offer to help in a practical manner, such as volunteering to cook meals for the family or helping to dig the grave.

At the funeral:

  • Only visit the funeral home during the times specified in online obituaries.
  • If attending the funeral service, arrive in plenty of time. Walking in late to the service is very disrespectful.
  • Put your mobile phone on silent or, better still, switch it off completely until you have left the funeral home or place of worship.
  • Do not bring small children to the funeral if you think they will be unable to remain quiet for the full duration.
  • Respect the family’s wishes if they prefer to mourn privately.
  • It is fine to cry, but if you begin crying uncontrollably, step outside.
  • Do not take any photos or videos of the funeral.

After the funeral:

  • If you are unable to attend the funeral, sympathize with the deceased person’s family the next time you see them, regardless of how much time has passed.
  • Don’t forget about the family as soon as the funeral has finished. They will continue to grieve and continue to need support in the weeks and months afterwards.
  • Remember that the family may take time readjusting to everyday life. Do not try to rush the process of grief and loss.
    Offer support to the family on occasions such as the deceased person’s birthday or anniversary, as such times can be emotionally tough on the family.

What to Say (and Not to Say)

Do’s:

  • Listen to those who are grieving and respond accordingly.
  • Refer to the deceased by name.
  • Speak genuinely and selflessly.
  • If you can’t think of what to say, keep it simple and appropriate.
  • Share memories of the deceased person, particularly in the weeks and months after the funeral.

Phrases that are likely to be appreciated:

  • “This must be very painful for you.”
  • “You must have been very close to him/her.”
  • “I can only imagine how hard this is on you.”
  • “I’ll really miss him/her. He/she was a very special person.”
  • “We’re thinking of you and wish we could do something to comfort you.”
  • “We care about you and we love you.”
  • “He/she was an inspiration to us and to so many others.”
  • Even a simple “I’m sorry for your loss. How are you doing?” shows genuine sorrow and sympathy.

Don’ts:

  • Don’t try to trivialize the death or say anything which implies it may have been for the best.
  • Never tell a grieving person that they need to get over their loss.
  • Do not put a time frame on a bereaved person’s grief.
  • Don’t talk about your own experiences of death, particularly at the time of a funeral.

Phrases that you should avoid:

  • “I know how you feel.”
  • “He/she is in a better place now.”
  • “It was his/her time to go.”
  • “He/she is no longer suffering.”
  • “Time is a good healer.”
  • “I know someone who had it much worse.”
  • “Try to move on from this.”
  • Anything beginning with “At least…

“We’re afraid we’ll say the wrong thing, but unfortunately what we all do out of our fear of saying the wrong thing, we say nothing and it leaves bereaved people feeling unsupported – and they do notice when you hop into a shop door to avoid them, or cross the street. Those are the hurtful things that people in bereavement talk about.”
Dr. Susan Delaney, bereavement services manager with the Irish Hospice Foundation.

Etiquette for the Bereaved

Planning the funeral:

  • Make the arrangements that you deem to be appropriate.
  • Decide if it is appropriate for young children to attend.
  • Tell children what to expect and how to behave if attending their first funeral.
  • Supply a guestbook for people wishing to sympathize by signing one.

At the funeral:

  • Wear black, or an alternatively subdued color (men should wear a suit and tie), unless the funeral arrangements include a themed dress code as per the deceased person’s wishes.
  • Thank anyone who comes to the funeral or takes time to sympathize.
  • Do not react angrily or rudely to someone who makes an inconsiderate but well-intended comment.
  • Feel free to cry.
  • Help family members who may find it difficult to move around, e.g. anyone in a wheelchair or with an injury or frailty.

After the funeral:

  • Take the time to send thank-you notes to all who participated in the funeral service, including clergy, undertakers, readers and musicians.
  • Never feel that it is too late to send a thank-you card, but try to acknowledge any delay in sending if it is left until 1-2 months after the funeral.

 

Courtesy of:  www.rhcfunerals.co.uk

How to Dress for a Funeral

Funeral Etiquette

How to Dress for a Funeral

Do’s

  • Wear something black, or an alternatively subdued color.
  • Dress formally. A suit and tie isn’t required for mourners who aren’t related to the deceased, but their attire should be relatively formal.
  • Dress as appropriate for the religion/faith of the funeral service.

Don’ts

  • Do not dress in bright, garish colors.
  • Don’t wear something revealing or dressed-down, e.g. shorts, sandals, novelty T-shirts/hoodies.
  • Do not wear anything that looks dirty or tacky, such as ripped jeans or an old jacket.

 

Courtesy of https://www.rhcfunerals.co.uk/

Children and Funerals

How To Prepare a Child For A Funeral

The death of a close friend or family member is never easy on children and the funeral represents the most difficult period. This is where children need to interact with others – it represents a need for them to both understand what is going on and behave well, despite whatever strong emotions they may be feeling. As such, here are a few tips to keep in mind when preparing a child for such an occasion.

Explaining Death

Explaining the concept of death to a child is a difficult topic in and of itself, and that’s probably why many people think it’s actually inappropriate to take kids to a funeral. How can a child understand seeing someone they knew if they aren’t aware of their death? In the youngest of people, this can lead to a lot of confusion. Even a basic understanding of death will help children understand the funeral. It will also give the event purpose and help kids realize its significance, but the talking needs to happen before the funeral.

Explain The Process

Similarly, you should always explain the process of events to a child before they attend. While they might not understand or appreciate every detail, you need to ensure they understand the vital parts, such as lowering caskets or cremating the body (depending on the nature of the funeral in question). This way, they won’t be surprised when such things occur, allowing the procedure to carry on without children interrupting or asking too many questions. The same can also be said for the funeral etiquette and dress code – let children know in advance, so you don’t upset or surprise them with formal clothing on the day itself.

How To Dress A Child

A funeral is one of those occasions where, despite protests, you need to ensure they wear a certain level of formal attire. A young child will likely not understand the need to look smart, so it’s important you take charge of this aspect. The smaller the child is, the less you arguably need to do, as nobody will expect a 2 or 3 year old to arrive in a suit. Still, they should dress in a similar style to adults: formally and with dark colors. For most boys, a white shirt will suffice, although pre-teens and teenagers can also wear a tie or suit. As for girls, a blouse will do, as will black dresses, giving you plenty of options.

Footwear

The same can also be said for shoes. Children should wear shoes of a decent formality – think along the lines of school shoes as an ideal minimal baseline. Trainers or sports shoes, for instance, will not only look wrong, but plant the wrong idea in a child’s mind. Formal shoes will remind them of school and other periods where they’ve had to behave, enforcing the importance of the events to come. It will also look more respectful, as the child can blend in with the crowd of predominantly adult attendants.

Seating and Placement

Once you’ve explained procedures and dressed the child, where do you sit at the location itself? Unless you’re of the immediate family, it’s better to sit someone near the back or sides, preferably close to the exit. This ensures children aren’t in the way – in case something goes wrong – and you can always take them outside if they become distressed. Depending on their relation to the deceased in question, children may be very upset, or even just curious, so it helps to be near an escape route so as not to disturb proceedings.

As you can see, there are a number of key differences between how children and adults experience how to plan a funeral, so it’s important for parents and other caretakers to step in and take care of children. Funerals can be a tough time but children have a right to understand what’s going on. With these tips, you should be able to prepare any child for a respectful and peaceful funeral.

About The Author:   Robert Bruce has a passion for lending his voice towards multiple issues involving the funeral and memorial industry. When he’s not working with Great Lakes Caskets, he enjoys his hobby as a writer.

Advance Directive

Your Advance Directive Always Seems Too Early…
Until It’s Too Late!

This is the theme for  the 2016 National Healthcare Decisions Day’s (NHDD), and will be the “catch phrase” for all the NHDD activities on and around April 16th. It was developed and suggested by one of our newsletter readers, Kathy Saldana of MidMichigan Health. It is an extremely appropriate statement.

Not Now?

I hear it all the time. I’m too young, not sick enough, not old enough or I hear that people will get to it when they really need it, e.g. not now. And what happens is that their advance directive is not in place when the need arises. If a person can no longer speak for themselves or communicate their wishes, you have missed the window of opportunity. I am always hopeful that they have at least had “the conversation” with loved ones but frequently that is not the case.

Afraid of Death?

Why do we continually deal with this issue like ostriches with our heads in the sand? Most often, it is because we are afraid: afraid of death, afraid that if we put it in writing it will happen, afraid that death will happen too soon and we won’t be ready.

I do appreciate that reluctance. My husband and I went through the drill of updating our legal trust this past year. Like you and advance care planning, I knew it needed to be done as we had put it off far too long and I knew how important it was to complete. But, the process dragged on because it was easier to deal with the activities of the day than to deal with the potentiality of the future. Yet, what a mess it would have been if something had happened to us and we did not have it inked and in place.

Why Hurt Those You Love Most?

It would have been problematic for those people whom we love most: our executor and our heirs. We had to continually remind ourselves that we weren’t doing this for us but for them. That is what needs to be done with advance care planning. Remember the positive impact having a plan in place will have for both you but particularly for those you love who will be left behind.

It’s NEVER Too Early

It is never too early once you have reached majority at 18. Everyone should take the time to speak with their loved ones and share their beliefs, preferences, and values. Everyone should explain what they mean by “heroic measures” or “futile treatments”. Being specific is much more helpful than using platitudes for which there are many definitions.

Don’t Wait…Act Now

Don’t wait for the crisis. Go to the NHDD web page and download their materials so you can help yourself and others.

Contributing author:  mjmarkley.com

By |March 12th, 2016|Categories: Advance Care Planning, Advance Directive, Advance Directives, Death, NHDD|Tags: , , , , , |Comments Off on Advance Directive

How to Create and Deliver a Eulogy

How to Create and Deliver a Great Eulogy

The purpose of a eulogy is to honor and pay tribute to a person who has passed away. Taking on the task of giving the eulogy for your loved one can seem a bit difficult or daunting at first, but it’s sure to be quite a moving and emotional experience that you certainly will not regret. You don’t have to be an excellent writer to give a great eulogy, as the best eulogies are simply very thoughtful, have a little touch of humor, and come straight from the heart.

1. Gather Memories

The majority of your speech will be based on memories of your loved one. Write down all your favorite memories of them, and ask their friends, family members and co-workers if they have stories and favorite memories they can share with you. It also helps to pull out pictures to reminisce and find inspiration in things that rekindle old memories and feelings about your loved one.  One of the most helpful tools to help coordinate and assist with this process is to also create a video tribute.

2. Set the Tone

Decide what the tone of your funeral eulogy will be before you write it. Will it be a little lighthearted and humorous, sad and serious, or a bit of both? A combination of both seriousness and humor is generally the most popular to celebrate the deceased’s life.

3. Create an Outline

Write a brief outline of several key events that occurred in the person’s life that you would like to share, such as when they were married, had children, got a new job or reached a milestone. Be sure to also write out the things that were important to the deceased, what their favorite hobbies were, and any basic facts about their everyday life. Jot down anything and everything you can think of that will tell a story about their life, the person they were and fond memories you may have had together. Every little piece will help in putting your eulogy together. An outline will also help you stay organized and make writing your speech much easier.

4. Stay Organized When Writing

The best way to stay organized when writing your eulogy is to summarize it in three main points by giving it a beginning, middle and end. Start by writing a brief introduction about who you so the audience will have an understanding of your relationship to the deceased. Then go back to your outline and expand on important details you have already written down, such as the basic info about their life and significant moments that occurred, and of course, share some of your own personal stories and memories too.

5. Practice

Practicing your speech out loud several times will give you a good idea of how it will sound when you are delivering it to an actual audience at the memorial service. Ask several people to listen to you give the eulogy so they can provide feedback, and make adjustments as needed to what you’ve written. Plus, the more you practice, the higher your confidence level will be when speaking to a crowd and the more likely you’ll be to memorize your speech—or at least most of it.

6. Delivering the Eulogy

When it’s time to deliver the eulogy you may feel nervous and emotional, but there’s no need to be afraid—you have the support of everyone in attendance and no one will be judging you or critiquing your speaking skills. Bring a copy of your speech with you if you’re unable to recite it from memory, and go over it a few times before you deliver the eulogy—this will help your speech stay fresh in your mind. Just remember, it’s truly an honor to be assigned the task of giving the eulogy for someone who was important to you, and it’s sure to be a sincere and heartfelt moment that you’ll never forget.

If you or someone you know has recently lost a loved one and is need of assistance with memorial and funeral expenses, you can create a free fundraiser in minutes and start raising money today.

Courtesy of YouCaring.com

How to Write an Obituary

How to Write a Compelling Obituary

The purpose of an obituary is to announce a person’s death with a brief summary of their life and to inform people about any planned funeral services. In a local newspaper, both in print and online, obituaries can be published for any local resident upon their death. Rather than just being a sad announcement, obituaries are now being used as a way to celebrate the life of the person who has passed away with a short story to help keep their memory alive.

1. Check Local Newspaper in Print and Online

Before you start writing your obituary, check out the requirements for having it published in your local paper. Many news publications have specific guidelines on the style and length of the obituary, and it’s possible that they may only accept an obituary if it’s written by one of their editorial staff or submitted directly from a funeral home. Most funeral homes can provide obituary templates that you can use as a guideline, and they may even cover the cost of publishing the obituary, online obituary, and obituary search as part of the funeral services.

2. Announcement of Death/Biographical Information

Announcing the death of your loved one is the very first step in writing the obituary. Include their name, age, the city where they resided and the day and date of their death. You may also want to include the cause of death at the end of the announcement. Providing biographical information is an important part of the obituary and a great way to make it a compelling tribute to their life. Try to be as interesting and colorful as possible when crafting your story about your loved one, and be sure to incorporate some personality into your writing. Cover details such as their place of birth, marital life (if applicable), education and employment background, as well as their passions, hobbies and lifetime achievements.

3. Mention Surviving Family Members

It’s important to mention the deceased’s surviving family members along with any close family members who have preceded them in death. List the names and residences of their children, grandchildren, brothers, sisters and any other important family members that should be included, and be sure to list the name of their spouse if they had one. Many people are extremely attached to their pets, so you may consider adding their names to the list of surviving family members.

4. Memorial Services

If there are memorial services planned, be sure to include this information in the last part of the obituary. Provide the date, time and location where the services will be held, and be sure to indicate if the services happen to be private. If you would like memorial contributions to be made toward your family or to a specific charity that the deceased supported, rather than sending flowers, be sure to include these necessary details as well.

5. Proofread and Submit

Once you have finished writing your obituary, read it over a few times to make sure you like the tone and writing style, and check for any grammatical errors. It would also help to have another set of eyes proofread it as well for additional feedback or suggestions. Once you are satisfied with your obituary, the last step is to submit it to the funeral home or directly to the news publication.

Courtesy of YouCaring.com

Five Steps to Advance Care Planning

Advance Care Planning

Five Steps to Advance Care Planning

 

Doing advance care planning “gives you a say, to the end of your day” and is something everyone should do to take control of their life, their future life, and their end of life.

Advance care planning is not unique to America; it is something that is important for any adult no matter where in the world you may live.

Canada’s Speak Up Campaign provides an excellent framework for anyone to use. 

Five Steps to Advance Care Planning:

 

1.  Think about what is important to you
2.  Learn about different medical procedures and what they can and can’t do for you
3.  Choose or decide on your substitute decision maker
4.  Talk about your wishes
5.  Record your wishes formally with an advance directive

Click Here to Access our FREE End Of Life Planning Guides

 

To learn more about Advance Care Planning, please click here to see our Preferred Provider, M. Jane Markley Consulting, LLC.

By |February 19th, 2015|Categories: Advance Care Planning, Advance Directive, Advance Directives, Death, end of life|Comments Off on Five Steps to Advance Care Planning

Death, Organ Donor, and Organ Donation

Death and Organ Donation

Contributed by Elizabeth Hurlow-Hannah, 301.785.7619, elizabeth@yourexitstrategy.org

Birth and death are opposites, so why don’t we give them equal air-time? Just as talking about sex doesn’t make you pregnant, you won’t drop dead because you’ve talked about death and dying!

Diagnosed with Stage IIIA breast cancer in 2004, I’m assured that my soul will return to heaven whenever I die, but who can use my body?

My cousin, Mike, suffered a cerebral aneurysm while shopping, and the paramedics kept him alive to harvest his organs.

When Tom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease at 64, he said, “Let me sign the papers to donate my brain to the Neurology unit to help someone else.”

Organ Donation:

These websites will bring you up to speed:

http://www.organdonor.gov at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Service

123,361 people are waiting for an organ 18 people will die each day waiting for an organ 1 organ donor can save up to 8 lives

Watch this five-minute video http://donatelife.net/understanding-donation/ to learn how the National Wait Transplantation works. Click on your state here: http://organdonor.gov/becomingdonor/stateregistries.html

Organ Donation/Transplantation:

United Network for Organ Sharing (UNOS) http://unos.org/is the private, non-profit organization that manages the nation’s organ transplant system under contract with the federal government.

Whole Body Donation for medical research and education:

Both organizations cover all costs: transportation; death certificates; cremation and return of cremains to your family.

Science Care www.sciencecare.com, 800.417.3747, info@sciencecare.com

MedCure, www.medcure.org, 866.560.2525, info@medcure.org

Query medical schools in your state: Is pre-registration necessary?

International Whole Body Donation:

If you die overseas, check with medical schools in that country about donation.

Read this article, The process of donating a whole body for medical research written by Sara Madsen, Editor in Chief for US Funerals Online. http://www.us-funerals.com/body-donation.html#.VMQNPS7uZ8o [Permission granted.

Check out the American Association of Tissue Banks (AATB) a professional, non-profit, scientific and educational organization. http://www.aatb.org

Be assured that all of these procedures are legal and ethical. No one removes body parts to sell on the black market. Ask yourself, “WHAT IF _________ developed an illness and was put on the transplant list? How would I react? What could I do to help?”

I signed up with MedCure in 2009, because it’s an even barter: they pay all costs associated with retrieving my body and using it for medical research; I avoid paying $7K-$10K in funeral costs —which adds a bump to my grandchildren’s educational fund. Isn’t this the best win-win situation?

Life’s never easy, sometimes not fair. We need to roll with the cards we’re dealt, even when it looks like a lousy hand.

How about you? What are you going to do? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Click Here To View Our Most Popular Free Funeral Guides

Chronic Illness, Death, and Medicare

Medicare and Chronic Illness Death

End-of-Life Care Facts

According to the Dartmouth Atlas of Health Care, below are some important end-of-life-care facts:

  • More than 90 million Americans live with at least one chronic illness.
  • Seven out of ten Americans die from chronic disease.
  • Among the Medicare population, the toll is even greater.
  • Patients with chronic illness in their last two years of life account for about 32% of total Medicare spending, much of it going toward physician and hospital fees associated with repeated hospitalizations.
  • About nine out of ten deaths are associated with just nine chronic illnesses, including:

 

1.  Congestive heart failure

2.  Chronic lung disease

3.  Cancer

4.  Coronary artery disease

5.  Renal failure

6.  Peripheral vascular disease

7.  Diabetes

8.  Chronic liver disease

9.  Dementia

What do patients want at the end of life?

Do they want their physicians to do everything possible to extend life? Do they want more time in the hospital? If additional treatments offer little possibility of benefit, do they want more invasive care? Research suggests that the care they get is not necessarily the care they want.

To read more about these end-of-life care facts at the Dartmouth Atlas of Health Care, click here

By |January 25th, 2015|Categories: Chronic Illness, Chronic Illness Death, Death, end of life, End-of-Life Care Facts, End-of-Life-Care, Medicare|Tags: , , , , , |Comments Off on Chronic Illness, Death, and Medicare

How to Talk Death with a Doctor

Advance Care Planning

How to Talk to Your Doctor About Death

Jane Markley,  one of the most widely-recognized experts on advance care planning, was kind enough to share dome very valuable information about end of life planning.

Jennifer Brokaw, MD is an Emergency Department physician, and the daughter of commentator Tom Brokaw.  She is another excellent specialist who emphasizes the importance and value of advance care planning.

Although most people don’t like to talk about death and dying, the harsh reality is death is something we cannot avoid, postpone, or predict.  In fact, Dr. Brokaw believes that in order to live your best life, you need to think and talk about death.

MUST-SEE Video – How to Talk to Your Doctor About Death

In this extremely informative and educational video, Dr. Jennifer Brokaw opens up about the uncomfortable but vital conversations we should all have with our doctors, our families, and ourselves – well before we near our end of life.

Click Here to Watch This Video:
How to Talk to Your Doctor about Death

By |January 24th, 2015|Categories: Advance Care Planning, Death, death and dying, end of life, end-of-life planning|Tags: , , , , |Comments Off on How to Talk Death with a Doctor

Death is Not Failure

Death is Not Failure

As I am preparing this newsletter, I am awaiting a call from a longtime colleague with the knowledge that it will be the last time we have a chance to talk.  Recently diagnosed with multiple brain tumors that are inoperable she has chosen to let her life run its course and to enjoy what quality time she can for as long as the tumors allow.  Tragic, sad, emotional; you bet, but not a failure, as far as we can tell, on anyone’s part.  Remember I said before, death is not an option.  Fortunately, her healthcare providers understand this type of terminally ill planning.

In this day and age so many healthcare providers feel like they have failed if they are unable to cure their patients.  They frequently continue to offer alternative treatments when they know that the chances of doing anything truly helpful are miniscule.  They talk about end of life planning matters extending life, but not about the quality of that life.  They are also confronted by patients and/or loved ones who want “everything” done.   They offer treatments that they themselves would not take were they in the same condition.  The healthcare professionals’ role in life has always been to make people better, to cure them, and when they can’t they feel inadequate or like they have failed so they keep trying even as hope wanes.  It is a reasonable response considering their training focuses on the cure.  But, death is just a part of life and it is sometimes best to accept.

As you might guess, the call came before I had finished this.  I was floored.  In fact my friend was ecstatic when I spoke with her.  Hard to believe isn’t it?  She kept telling me how wonderful it is to have time to talk with people who love her and who share with her what a difference she has made in their lives.  She said that this truly has been the best experience of her life and she is so pleased that her life will be ending this way because she never really thought that she had made a difference in anyone’s life.

She’s living fully in the moment.  She is making plans for the “celebration” of her end of life, when she is gone and where to scatter her ashes.  And given the advent of the Internet and advanced technology tools today, there are many new memorial technology options for cremations.  She has made peace with what is happening to her and is embracing the experience better than anyone I have ever met.  Surely there are down times but to everyone with whom I have spoken who has spoken with her they all are getting the same vibe.

Death for her is not a failure but truly is an experience she is cherishing.  Talk about acceptance!  And yes, she has her advance directives in order.

The bigger question is when will you:  Have ‘The Conversation’ And Give ‘The Gift’

Courtesy of M Jane Markley Consulting 

 

Is There Such a Thing as a Good Death?

End of Life

Is There Such a Thing as a Good Death?

After several years of relentless chemo and radiation to check her cancer, Rebecca decided to die with dignity.

She consulted with family members and some close friends and then contacted a nearby hospice. Whatever ‘tough conversations’ there might have been were brief, open and honest. How could anyone object to Rebecca’s decision after all the various treatments that she had undergone? Everyone was in the loop: family members, close friends, some neighbors and a few former colleagues.

When Rebecca became so weak that she could no longer eat or take care of herself, we all knew it was time. I recall one of Rebecca’s last cognitive acts was to view a DVD of her grandson performing in a piano recital. Then she rested, grateful for having viewed her grandson’s artistic triumph.

For the three or four weeks that she lay in bed, a constant stream of family, friends and neighbors visited with Rebecca. She lay in her furnished basement apartment. Soft music penetrated the space. A scented candle burned. Each visitor brought his or her own special treatment ‘modality.’ Some sang, others massaged her limbs, a few talked quietly, reminiscing about happier times they had spent together. What was so impressive was the solace that pervaded the room.

Except for the early hours of each day, Rebecca was never alone. When she died, everyone was at peace…with her and with themselves. We felt sad, but not depressed. I learned that her last breaths were labored and short. Then nothing. We all shared a part in Rebecca’s passing. Because she gave us a bond that we will never forget, our gratitude to Rebecca is boundless. She allowed us to be part of her vigil of peace.

Contributed by Sig Cohen of Beyond Disputes Associates, www.toughconversations.net

 

By |October 6th, 2014|Categories: Death, Death with Dignity, end of life, good death|Tags: , , , , |Comments Off on Is There Such a Thing as a Good Death?

Death and Burial Rituals

Burial Rituals

Death and Burial Rituals

The Business of Death

Around the world, every day, every hour, every second, medical treatment is unable to prevent death. When doctors, nurses and hospitals can do no more for a patient, another industry steps in.

World population Estimate – 7,142,797,806

There are bodies everywhere.

World Death Rate: 8 deaths/1,000 population 55.3 million people die each year 151,600 people die each day 6316 people die each hour 105 people die each minute ~2 people die each second

Burial Rituals:

Traditional Western Customs:

The two most common methods for the disposal of corpses are:

Cremations (Burning the body) or
• Interment (Burying the body)

Today, the average North American traditional funeral costs between $7,000 and $10,000.

• Fee for the funeral director’s services: $1,500
• Cost for caskets: $2,300
• Embalming: $500
• Cost for using the funeral home for the actual funeral service: $500
• Cost of a grave site: $1,000
• Cost to dig the grave: $600
• Cost of a grave liners or outer burial vaults: $1,000
• Cost of monuments: $1,500

Islamic Customs:

• Muslims try to bury their dead ASAP.
• Family or community members wash and shroud the body in scented water and clean white cloth.
• The body is positioned so that the head is facing Mecca. The average adult Islamic funeral, before the cost of burial, was $6,550 in 2009, according to the National Funeral Directors Association.

Tibetan Buddhist Sky Burial:

• The traditional Tibetan Sky Burial involves a corpse being dismembered by trained professionals and left outside (in one of the 1075 sky burial sites) for animals to feast upon. Today, 80% of Tibetans choose to have Sky Burials.

Green Burials in the U.S.:

• Going “Green?” People are forgoing traditional methods for environmentally friendly burials.
• Why expose the Earth to unnecessary embalming chemicals or steel caskets.
• Opts for biodegradable caskets or having your remains turned into an artificial reef? Factoid: Americans currently bury around one million tons of steel caskets each year.

Ngaben:

• Balinese cremation ceremony is performed to send the dead onto their next life, and is considered a sacred duty.
• The dead are placed inside a coffin, which is then placed inside a structure resembling a buffalo or temple.
• The structure is carried to the cremation site and set aflame. In group ceremonies upwards of 60 people’s remains were cremated at one time.

Ghana’s Elaborate Custom Coffins:

• In Ghana it is popular to bury loved ones in coffins that represent certain aspects of them, generally either an occupation, or something they loved.
• For example, a farmer might be buried in a coffin that was built to resemble an ear of corn, or a businessman could be buried in a coffin resembling a plane.

Famadihana – The Turning of the Bones:

• The Malagasy people of Madagascar have a famous ritual in which every five to seven years, the family has a celebration at its ancestral crypt.
• The cloth-wrapped bodies of the deceased are exhumed and sprayed with wine or perfume, before being brought out for family members to dance with while a live band plays.

Space Burial:

• Money can buy you anything, even a burial in space.
• The first of these burials took place in 1997 and contained ashes of 22 people (including Timothy Leary and Gene Roddenberry).
• Cost, depending on how far you want your ashes to go, $1,000 – $12,000.

No Longer Practiced

Sokushinbutsu:

• Originating over 1000 years ago, Sokushinbutsu was practiced by a sect of Buddhist monks, and resulted in self-mummification.
• Process that involved eating nuts, bark, and drinking poisonous tea, and took over 3000 days to complete.
• Though hundreds of monks tried, only 16 – 24 were successful.
• Sokushinbutsu is now illegal in Japan.

Hanging Caskets:

• Though now a long lost civilization, The Bo people of the Hemp Pond Valley in Southwest China’s Gongxian County, would use two wooden poles inserted into the rock to suspend caskets containing the dead on high cliff faces.
• Over 160 coffins were placed along the cliffs and natural caves. Today locals refer to the Bo as the “Sons of the Cliffs”.

Sati:

• Now banned in India, Sati was the practice of recently widowed women throwing themselves on the funeral pyres of their husband’s bodies.

Contributed by “The Business of Death

Advance Directives and Advance Care Planning

Advance Directives

Are We at a “Tipping” Point?

How is it that 24 years after the Patient Self-Determination Act went into effect we have not made significant progress in increasing the percentage of people who have Advance Directives?  Death has been hidden behind hospital doors for almost a century, new funeral and memorial technology has advanced, and people still seem to think that death is optional and prefer to avoid the end of life discussion.

Current research shows that only about 25% of the population has completed Advance Directives, yet 80% of the population states that they wish to die at home.  Many of us have talked till we are blue in the face, much money has been spent, and many different initiatives have been started but the number hasn’t budged.

All of this may seem discouraging but there are several different moves afoot that may open the subject up and bring it into the mainstream.  Things like:

  • Respecting Choices – an advance care planning model that has been inculcated into the fabric of the community in La Crosse, WI and has been around long enough to demonstrate significant community, personal, and financial impacts that are being noticed and shared.
  • Institutes of higher learning have started and/or increased their emphasis on end of life care and Advance Directives in their medical and nursing school curriculums planting the seed for better communications with patients in the future.
  • Accountable Care Organizations and Medical Home models are being encouraged by Health and Human Services to collect and report data on the advance care planning, that they are providing to seniors, which will eventually impact their reimbursements.
  • Ever increasing numbers of people, bothered by the lack of discussion and emphasis placed on the needs of people at the end of life, have taken the initiative to develop electronic tools on the internet to guide and help people address these issues before the need arises.
  • And, as I referred to in last month’s newsletter, Death and Dying Cafes and Dinner Parties are becoming increasingly popular in the U.S. as the underlying need to talk about death and our beliefs about it are being met through this informal yet growing medium.

Making advance care planning and Advance Directives a part of the mainstream of American life, where it is considered inappropriate not to discuss our thoughts and feelings on these issues, will go a long way towards increasing percentages in the future.  With the pace of change upon us we may just be at the beginning of that tipping point.  More people will be willing to have “the conversation” and give “the gift”.

Contributed by M Jane Markley LLC, www.mjmarkley.com

By |March 17th, 2014|Categories: Advance Directives, Death, death cafes, death dinner parties, end of life, Memorial Technology|Tags: , , , , , , |Comments Off on Advance Directives and Advance Care Planning

Death Cafes and Dinner Parties??

Death Cafes

Death Cafes and Dinner Parties

 

I know what you are thinking.  “Why would anyone participate in something like this?  I like to enjoy my dinner and this doesn’t sound like fun.”  Talking about death over dinner might not be the usual way you get people over to your house for a meal, but it couldn’t be more crucial.

Too many people are dying in a way they wouldn’t choose, and too many of their loved ones are left feeling bereaved, guilty, and uncertain.  Having “the conversation” about end of life care wishes with family, friends, and even total strangers is an important step you can take to ensure that those wishes are understood and respected.

Death Cafes and Dinner Parties

These types of activities, also known as Tea Parties, Death Cafes, etc., have taken off worldwide.    And why is that?  It is because they work.  They allow people to discuss death and related issues and be open to a variety of opinions and issues in a non-judgmental and safe environment.  A colleague of mine, Laurel Lewis, has been hosting these dinner parties for several years with growing interest and attendance such that there is usually a waiting list.  You can learn more about her and what she does at http://laurelllewis.com.

You can also see a sample of one of her dinners on You Tube at http://youtu.be/N2SOlsDTXK8  (Deepak Chopra @ a death and dying dinner party!).  This dinner is rare as it includes a well known physician but that is certainly not necessary.

The Death Cafe which started in Europe is now in the States and lets you know what is happening so check it out at http://www.deathcafe.com .   Another site provides a tutorial on how to set up such a get together.  You can check it out here at http://www.deathoverdinner.org.  An alternative approach used by Paula Schneider of Nevada is to host “Open Forums on End of Life Issues.”  Whatever terms you need to use to get people there, listening, and engaging is what is important.

Why Not Take the First Step?

These dinners and teas are meant specifically for any person who is going to die.  Does that describe you?  So, you need not wait till Thanksgiving this year to have the conversation with family and friends.  You can start now either hosting your own party or getting on line and seeing what meeting is in your area that you can attend to have the experience.

Yes, as I always remind you, it is time to have ‘the conversation’ because you never know when the crisis will occur.  Your discussions will help you feel more comfortable about documenting your wishes allowing you to give ‘the gift’ to your friends and loved ones.  Unless you are certain of your immortality, now is the time to get started!

*Contributed by M. Jane Markley Consulting, LLC

 

By |February 15th, 2014|Categories: Death, death and dying, death cafes, death dinner parties, death over dinner, end of life|Tags: , , , , , , |Comments Off on Death Cafes and Dinner Parties??

Protect Your Family Against Grave Robbers

Grave Robbers

Protect Your Family Against Grave Robbers

It’s no surprise that identity thieves are running rampant, however it’s a shocking fact that these scammers are using the personal information and vital statistics of more than 2,000 deceased people every day. An ID Analytics study recently revealed that the misuse of social security numbers belonging to the deceased occurs more than 1.5 million times every year. Are the identities of your deceased loved ones protected from these identity thieves?

Protect Identity Today

In the same way people provide protection for their families using funeral insurance to cover funeral costs and burial expenses and replace lost income after a death, many people today are also taking additional steps to ensure their loved ones left behind aren’t abused by scam artists.

Be proactive to protect your family. Take the proper steps to provide protection against identity theft while you are alive. Enroll in a service like LifeLock.com to monitor credit reports and inquiries, applications for utility and wireless service, and many other aspects of personal information to reduce the risk of exposure. Monitor your online bank activities, guard your social security number and private information, and keep your digital devices protected with reliable security software to deter fraudsters from gathering your personal data and vital statistics.

Make Final Preparations

Coping with the loss of a loved one is emotionally and physically challenging for most people, and on top of the grief, it often takes weeks, or even months, to notify creditors and vendors after someone dies. Unfortunately, scammers and identity thieves get started immediately after they see perform an obituary search or read a newspaper report that announces a death.

Assign a friend or relative to take charge of reporting your death immediately. Or consider hiring a funeral estate planning attorney to handle all notifications. Recommendations from AARP.com include contacting the Social Security Administration (1-800-772-1213), sending death certificates to the three major credit reporting agencies—Experian, Equifax and TransUnion—and asking financial institutions and creditors to mark accounts closed due to death. The IRS should also be notified as soon as possible to prevent fraudsters from filing for a tax refund with the deceased person’s information or claiming the deceased as a dependent on future returns.

Block the Channels

The best time to consider identity theft is before it happens. Make sure you create a love drawer with a list of everyone—businesses, government agencies and individuals who have access now, or might have acquired your information in the past. Include medical providers, lawyers, the IRS, the Social Security Administration, banks, creditors and even your landscape and pest control contractors.

Prepare a simple form letter that informs recipients of your death in advance. Assign someone to mail these letters, preferably by certified mail, immediately after your death. Ask your designated helper to cancel your voter registration card, drivers license and online social media accounts (learn more about digital estate planning).

Work With the Credit Bureaus

The credit reporting agency Experian advises that credit bureaus periodically update records with information received from the Social Security Administration to flag files when people pass away. It could take up to six months for the information to be transferred so, having someone designated to report the death is preferable to waiting for agency notification. To protect against fraud, survivors should request credit reports every few months after a loved one passes to be sure no one is trying to assume the deceased identity.