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What to Do After a Death

What Should You Do After the Death of a Love One?

125 Tasks After a Death Has Occurred

What to Do After a Death
125 Tasks After a Death of a Loved One

A. Secure Vital Statistics

  1. Full legal name, address, telephone number, and email address
  2. Religious name (if any)
  3. Date of birth
  4. Place of birth
  5. Marital status
  6. Name of spouse (if married)
  7. Spouse’s maiden name (if wife)
  8. Educational attainment
  9. Citizenship
  10. Father’s full legal name
  11. Father’s birthplace
  12. Mother’s name and maiden name
  13. Mother’s birthplace
  14. Full names, phone numbers, and addresses of all children, grandchildren, and/or great-grandchildren
  15. Acquire Social security number
  16. Obtain Veteran’s serial/service number
  17. Determine date and place of military service
  18. Date of military discharge
  19. Research how long at current residence and former residence(s)
  20. Occupation, job title, nature of work, and employment history
  21. Workplace name, address, phone number, and email address
  22. Ensure family origin

B. Pay Some or All of the Following

  1. Estate/Inheritance taxes
  2. Funeral and burial costs
  3. Purchase a family cemetery burial plot, estate, mausoleum, crypt, cremation niche, or other
  4. Permanent resting place
  5. Monument and marker engraving details
  6. Funeral Director
  7. Clergy
  8. Organist and vocalist
  9. Funeral Flowers
  10. Obituary
  11. Clothing preferences
  12. Long distance telephone service
  13. Food
  14. Transportation and removal costs
  15. Doctors
  16. Nurses
  17. Medical practitioners
  18. Ambulance
  19. Hospital or nursing home
  20. List of all medications and drugs
  21. Current and urgent bills (mortgage/rent, taxes, car payments, debts, utilities, etc.)

C. Collect Documents and Paperwork

  1. Last Will (check to see if any final wishes were specified)
  2. Prepare legal papers, death certificates, state permits
  3. Birth certificates and/or any legal forms of proof of age
  4. Citizenship papers
  5. Social Security card or number
  6. Marriage license
  7. Veteran’s discharge certificate
  8. Submit all insurance policies (life, funeral/burial, health, long-term care, etc.) and also necessary government forms
  9. Disability claims
  10. Bank books and listing of all accounts
  11. Records of other financial documents (outside of bank)
  12. Property deeds
  13. Cemetery deed or proof of ownership
  14. Auto titles or bill of sale
  15. Income tax returns, receipts, and cancelled checks

D. Decide and Arrange Within a Few Hours

  1. Make cemetery arrangements
  2. Secure interment space and location of burial disposition
  3. Arrange for opening and closing of the grave/mausoleum/crypt/estate/niche space
  4. Secure endowment care
  5. Arrange graveside committal service
  6. Secure use of cemetery chapel for committal prayers
  7. Decide on embalming and other preparations of the deceased
  8. Choose restorative art
  9. Funeral Home preference
  10. Location of funeral service
  11. Service type (religious, fraternal, military, etc.)
  12. Time and place of visitation and funeral service
  13. Arrange any special religious services
  14. Choose person and provide information for funeral eulogy
  15. Select from casket (open or closed?)
  16. Select outer burial container and/or burial vaults
  17. Select cremation urn and niche space (if cremation)
  18. Provide vital statistics of deceased for the newspaper obituary
  19. Choose clothing for the deceased
  20. Choose jewelry and glasses for the deceased
  21. Select cosmetology and hairdressing for deceased
  22. Selection of Scripture, readings, poems, etc.
  23. Choose preferred clergy to officiate
  24. Marking of grave (either temporary or permanent)
  25. Select memorial market/monument setting and inscription
  26. Select charitable contributions in memory of the deceased
  27. Register book, memorial/prayer cards
  28. Select pallbearers
  29. Floral arrangements and transportation (before and after)
  30. Select funeral music
  31. Organist, pianist, vocalist
  32. Arrange for funeral coach
  33. Arrange for limousine for family and pallbearers
  34. Arrange funeral car list for family and guests
  35. Clothing for you and children
  36. Decide who will look after children and/or pets
  37. House cleaning
  38. Extra chairs
  39. Transportation for family and guests
  40. Review and sign all paperwork (burial permits, etc.)
  41. Answer innumerable phone calls, emails, letters, and visitors
  42. Meet with Funeral Director, Cemetery Director, clergy, lawyer, CPA, financial advisor, insurance agent, etc.
  43. Arrange transportation and lodging for out-of-town guests
  44. Acknowledge and thank those who help in a special way (flowers, food, donations, etc.)
  45. Decide how many certified copies of death certificates to order
  46. Food for family and out-of-town relatives and guests
  47. Items for memento display and/or memorial board
  48. Decide on memorial video tribute production, pictures, music
  49. Arrange for writing thank you notes

E. Plan to Notify ASAP

  1. All family members
  2. All relatives
  3. All friends
  4. Minister and church
  5. Funeral Director
  6. Pallbearers
  7. Cemetery
  8. Doctor
  9. Employer of deceased
  10. Employers of relatives not going to work
  11. Organist, musicians, and vocalists
  12. Newspapers regarding obituary notices
  13. Social Security Administration
  14. Veterans Administration
  15. Insurance Agents and Financial Advisors
  16. Religious, fraternal, civic organizations and unions
  17. Attorney, accountant, financial planner, and executor of estate
  18. Credit card companies, mortgages, utility bills, etc.

Need more information or help?
Please contact us at info@funeralresources.com

Death and Burial Rituals

Burial Rituals

Death and Burial Rituals

The Business of Death

Around the world, every day, every hour, every second, medical treatment is unable to prevent death. When doctors, nurses and hospitals can do no more for a patient, another industry steps in.

World population Estimate – 7,142,797,806

There are bodies everywhere.

World Death Rate: 8 deaths/1,000 population 55.3 million people die each year 151,600 people die each day 6316 people die each hour 105 people die each minute ~2 people die each second

Burial Rituals:

Traditional Western Customs:

The two most common methods for the disposal of corpses are:

Cremations (Burning the body) or
• Interment (Burying the body)

Today, the average North American traditional funeral costs between $7,000 and $10,000.

• Fee for the funeral director’s services: $1,500
• Cost for caskets: $2,300
• Embalming: $500
• Cost for using the funeral home for the actual funeral service: $500
• Cost of a grave site: $1,000
• Cost to dig the grave: $600
• Cost of a grave liners or outer burial vaults: $1,000
• Cost of monuments: $1,500

Islamic Customs:

• Muslims try to bury their dead ASAP.
• Family or community members wash and shroud the body in scented water and clean white cloth.
• The body is positioned so that the head is facing Mecca. The average adult Islamic funeral, before the cost of burial, was $6,550 in 2009, according to the National Funeral Directors Association.

Tibetan Buddhist Sky Burial:

• The traditional Tibetan Sky Burial involves a corpse being dismembered by trained professionals and left outside (in one of the 1075 sky burial sites) for animals to feast upon. Today, 80% of Tibetans choose to have Sky Burials.

Green Burials in the U.S.:

• Going “Green?” People are forgoing traditional methods for environmentally friendly burials.
• Why expose the Earth to unnecessary embalming chemicals or steel caskets.
• Opts for biodegradable caskets or having your remains turned into an artificial reef? Factoid: Americans currently bury around one million tons of steel caskets each year.

Ngaben:

• Balinese cremation ceremony is performed to send the dead onto their next life, and is considered a sacred duty.
• The dead are placed inside a coffin, which is then placed inside a structure resembling a buffalo or temple.
• The structure is carried to the cremation site and set aflame. In group ceremonies upwards of 60 people’s remains were cremated at one time.

Ghana’s Elaborate Custom Coffins:

• In Ghana it is popular to bury loved ones in coffins that represent certain aspects of them, generally either an occupation, or something they loved.
• For example, a farmer might be buried in a coffin that was built to resemble an ear of corn, or a businessman could be buried in a coffin resembling a plane.

Famadihana – The Turning of the Bones:

• The Malagasy people of Madagascar have a famous ritual in which every five to seven years, the family has a celebration at its ancestral crypt.
• The cloth-wrapped bodies of the deceased are exhumed and sprayed with wine or perfume, before being brought out for family members to dance with while a live band plays.

Space Burial:

• Money can buy you anything, even a burial in space.
• The first of these burials took place in 1997 and contained ashes of 22 people (including Timothy Leary and Gene Roddenberry).
• Cost, depending on how far you want your ashes to go, $1,000 – $12,000.

No Longer Practiced

Sokushinbutsu:

• Originating over 1000 years ago, Sokushinbutsu was practiced by a sect of Buddhist monks, and resulted in self-mummification.
• Process that involved eating nuts, bark, and drinking poisonous tea, and took over 3000 days to complete.
• Though hundreds of monks tried, only 16 – 24 were successful.
• Sokushinbutsu is now illegal in Japan.

Hanging Caskets:

• Though now a long lost civilization, The Bo people of the Hemp Pond Valley in Southwest China’s Gongxian County, would use two wooden poles inserted into the rock to suspend caskets containing the dead on high cliff faces.
• Over 160 coffins were placed along the cliffs and natural caves. Today locals refer to the Bo as the “Sons of the Cliffs”.

Sati:

• Now banned in India, Sati was the practice of recently widowed women throwing themselves on the funeral pyres of their husband’s bodies.

Contributed by “The Business of Death

Funerals for Children

Grief and Loss

Funerals For Children

Losing a child is never easy even when the child is not your own. Children are the hope for the future and should have so much of their life ahead of them. When a child is lost so are the dreams and the hopes of the future. It seems unnatural to be taking care of any end of life arrangements of a child. Because of this, many funeral homes don’t display caskets, burial vaults, or items related to child loss.  There is for many a sense of loss of innocence when a child dies. Expectations are cut short, and the deep, unexpected grief and loss of the parents of the child is an additional factor that makes taking care of the child and the family difficult.

Here are some things you might do to take care of yourself while helping a family who has lost a child:

Be Prepared: Mentally prepare yourself that eventually it will be your task to help a family who has lost a child. We tend to push things out of our minds that are extremely unpleasant. Spend some time thinking about what you need to help yourself during this time. It is easier to plan ahead when you are not emotionally involved at the moment.

Be Aware Of Triggers: If you have children be aware that a loss of a child around the age of your children might affect you more. For some it is easy to think that the deceased child could be my child lying on the table. Remind yourself that your child(ren) are healthy and alive. Stop yourself from thinking in terms of the “What If’s”, and realize that your being so affected can help others feel your compassion.

Delve Into Your Spirituality: Even though you work with death every day are you comfortable with what happens to the spirit after a person dies? Do you have a strong faith system? Does it encompass the loss of a child? The more you are secure in your belief system the less rattled you might be at the time of a death of a child. Your stability will be an asset the family of the child can draw upon during the funeral service.

Have Resources Available: The loss of a child tends to bring out the community in force. Make sure to have avenues for people to express their grief. They will rely on you less if they have other places of support. Some items to keep on hand would be:

  • Online Journal with a guestbook. People can write in the guestbook at your funeral home, from home or school. It is accessible 24/7.
  • Grief Therapists and others who can help people through the grieving process can be written out and can be placed on tables or given out at the service.
  • Virtual Candles can be put on your website for families to light at the wake, service or at a later date.

Finally, remember to stick to the basics. Remember to eat complete meals three times a day. Put away the sugar and the chips. Drink lots of water and skip the caffeine and alcohol. Rest as much as you possibly can. Fatigue exacerbates difficult situations so when you can take a quick nap. If a child’s death is still affecting you after a month or two consider talking to a your doctor or seek grief counseling. Even those in the funeral profession need and can consult outside professionals to help them through emotionally trying times.

© 2010 Kelasan, Inc.