Seven Ways Funeral Directors Can Help You Plan a Funeral

Plan a Funeral

How a Funeral Director Can Help

You Plan a Funeral

After losing a close loved one back in 2008, I am constantly trying to find ways I can help both families and Funeral Directors find new ways to make the funeral planning process easier. After working closely and researching extensively, I have learned a lot about how to plan a funeral and end of life planning industries.

However, since I am not a licensed Funeral Director, I have also focused on learning how challenging and meaningful of a role a Funeral Directors can play in a families life, and therefore, I have gained a tremendous amount of well-deserved respect and appreciation for a Funeral Director’s selfless contribution to this valued public service.

So given the importance and sensitivity of this matter, I am not only constantly trying to learn more each day, but also searching for any possible new and innovative ways to help add value to this industry.

When I look back on my personal experience, below are some of the key things I truly believe would have helped my family as we worked through the many funeral planning challenges:

1. I believe it would be helpful if the Funeral Director could give a brief history about their Funeral Home, Cemetery, as well as their personal background and experience.

This would help families learn more about choosing a funeral home or cemetery, funeral director, and feel more comfortable about the qualifications, experience, and credibility of who they are dealing with.

2. I think it could be helpful if a Funeral Directors would ask if anyone involved has any history or experience with planning a funeral.

This would help the Funeral Director and the family, since this lets the Funeral Director know if they need to begin slowly, starting with the basics, or whether things could be a little easier and streamlined based on any past experience.

3. Before the Funeral Director begins to review the basic outline of the funeral planning process, it would be helpful if they ask the family if they have any important questions on their mind that they feel like they need to find answers.

This allows the family members to ask about things that might be of concern, time-sensitive, or important to know regardless of the planning process.

4. The Funeral Director could explain the general outline of what the funeral planning process involves and what they will review and work on together. Ideally, this overall outline would be great to have in writing, so they can see it, read it, plan ahead, and follow along step-by-step.

This helps the families to get an idea of what to expect, and also begin thinking about the many funeral planning challenges.

5. The Funeral Director could tell the family members to feel free to interrupt him/her at any time, and ask any questions that come to mind, no matter how basic or uncomfortable they might feel.

This helps families feel like it is OK to ask questions, since from my personal experience, I was very reluctant to ask things that I now wish I had.

6. After the funeral planning process, the Funeral Director could find a way to help families learn about some of the new and popular memorial technology tools, resources, services, and funeral home services. In fact, I would even recommend offering families a printed list of these options so you can talk about them with the families, or simply let them research these things on their own to find out more.

In addition to the common funeral home services such as funeral programs, caskets, cremation urns, funeral flowers, etc., I firmly believe that families should also be aware of some of the new and increasingly popular new memorial technology tools such as Funeral Webcasting, Video Tribute, Memorial Website, Memorial Reefs, Memorial Diamonds, and the amazing new Gravestone Technology that includes microchips which can now show pictures and tell stories.

Why not let every family know about all of these options? If families don’t choose to add these to their funeral or memorial planning, they are still better off from knowing these options were available. And if families do find these options to helpful tools that can allow them to better heal, remember, and pay a special tribute to a loved one, everyone wins!

7. Last, I would suggest Funeral Directors consider providing every family with helpful details, such as these below, at the end of their funeral planning discussion:

– Key things to consider when planning a memorial service
– Several phone numbers to contact for any questions or concerns, 24/7
– Grief support information, grief books, and local grief support
– Information on how to give a eulogy, funeral etiquette, how to write an obituary, and other common families needs
– Contact information on Charitable Organizations, and ways to help families donate funds “in lieu of funeral flowers”
– Key reasons and benefits to consider an End of Life Plan, and where they can go to learn more
– Names and contact information for people who you recommend that would be willing to help offer free advice for any financial planning matters, such as funeral estate planning, tax planning, wealth management, etc.

Again, these are just some thoughts I had after looking back on my personal experience, as well as some of the details I have found that most families are searching for – and today this is being done largely on the Internet.

I truly hope this helps both families and Funeral Directors, as I continue my quest to make this difficult process easier!

Download Our Helpful FREE Funeral Planning Checklist

Chris Hill, Founder
FuneralResources.com

By funeraladmin|May 25th, 2010|Categories: caskets, end-of-life planning, Funeral Director, Funeral Estate Planning, Funeral Etiquette, funeral eulogy, Funeral Flowers, Funeral Home Services, Funeral Planning, funeral planning challenges, funeral planning help, Funeral Programs, Funeral Technology, Funeral Webcasting, gravestone technology, memorial diamonds, Memorial Reefs, memorial service, Memorial Services, Memorial Technology, Memorial Website, plan a funeral, Video Tribute|Tags: caskets, end of life, end of life planning, Funeral Director, funeral etiquette, funeral eulogy, funeral flowers, Funeral Home Services, Funeral Planning, funeral planning challenges, funeral programs, Funeral Webcasting, Memorial Diamonds, Memorial Reefs, Memorial Service, Memorial Technology, plan a funeral|Comments Off

Grief and Loss

Wearing of Wedding Rings

After the Loss of a Spouse

How to expand your horizons after a loss but still integrate the memory of our loved one is a common theme. A normal process through our grief and loss journey is how to integrate the loss into our lives. One of the symbols of your past is yours and your spouse’s wedding rings. Changing how you display them is one way to help you transition to the future. The key is to pick something that feels “right” to you. There are many options and we suggest you be creative. We have outlined some suggestions below that might “fit” you.

Change where you wear the rings. A simple solution would be to move the rings from the hand that symbolizes marriage to the other hand. Some people have also chosen to place the rings on a necklace and wear them around his/her neck.

Transform your wedding rings. If you chose to transform your wedding rings this is where you can be especially creative. Many people have taken the stones out of the rings and placed them in new settings or made them into a new pair of earrings for example. Another option is to consider adding memorial diamonds to your current settings.

For example one woman said: “My husband died this year, and I had a nice gold chain, took the diamond that was in his Masonic ring, and suspended it in the center of his wedding ring, all held together in the suspension with small diamonds encrusted in a slide. It is lovely, and I wear it all the time. Sometimes I find myself even bringing it to my mouth, and unconsciously kissing it. But, my left hand ring finger is empty.”

Position the rings in a place of respect. If you choose not to wear the rings, you could make a place of honor for them. An idea might be to make a shadow box that you hang on the wall that will hold the rings. The shadow box then can be placed in the house somewhere that will bring comfort to you as you view your creation. This is also a nice way to pass a keepsake onto children.

Some people choose to wear their wedding ring for the rest of their lives on their left hand, especially those that are older, and have made up their mind that they will not ever want to marry again. Feel comfortable to do that, if this is your choice. There are no rules about what you “must” do.

We have been told by those that want to take off their wedding rings as a symbol of “moving on” that they have chosen to give them to their children now, rather than wait for their own passing. If you have no children, perhaps a niece or nephew might be the perfect recipient.

If you want, you can put your wedding rings in your jewelry box, and keep them there until you decide what you do want to do with them. There is no need to rush to a decision.

Give yourself permission to take your rings off, if that is what you feel like doing. Sometimes, it is a simple as listening to your intuition to know what is the thing to do that “feels” like the perfect solution for moving to a new emotional plateau.

If you have come to a place in your stages of grief where you are truly ready to move forward, keep in mind to choose something that is right for you and that also symbolizes you are moving on from your loss. Symbols, such as wedding rings, are powerful. Potential mates will respect that you are honoring the past while being ready to accept new people and new love into your life.

But above all else, be creative, and do what pleases you!

Download Our 4 FREE Guides to Create Your Smart End of Life Plan

By funeraladmin|May 24th, 2010|Categories: Death, Funeral, Grief, Grief and Loss, Loss of a Spouse, Memorial Diamond, memorial diamonds, Monuments, stages of grief|Tags: Death, Funeral, Grief and Loss, memorial diamond, Memorial Diamonds, stages of grief|Comments Off

Grief and Loss

Funerals For Children

Losing a child is never easy even when the child is not your own. Children are the hope for the future and should have so much of their life ahead of them. When a child is lost so are the dreams and the hopes of the future. It seems unnatural to be taking care of any end of life arrangements of a child. Because of this, many funeral homes don’t display caskets, burial vaults, or items related to child loss. There is for many a sense of loss of innocence when a child dies. Expectations are cut short, and the deep, unexpected grief and loss of the parents of the child is an additional factor that makes taking care of the child and the family difficult.

Here are some things you might do to take care of yourself while helping a family who has lost a child:

Be Prepared: Mentally prepare yourself that eventually it will be your task to help a family who has lost a child. We tend to push things out of our minds that are extremely unpleasant. Spend some time thinking about what you need to help yourself during this time. It is easier to plan ahead when you are not emotionally involved at the moment.

Be Aware Of Triggers: If you have children be aware that a loss of a child around the age of your children might affect you more. For some it is easy to think that the deceased child could be my child lying on the table. Remind yourself that your child(ren) are healthy and alive. Stop yourself from thinking in terms of the “What If’s”, and realize that your being so affected can help others feel your compassion.

Delve Into Your Spirituality: Even though you work with death every day are you comfortable with what happens to the spirit after a person dies? Do you have a strong faith system? Does it encompass the loss of a child? The more you are secure in your belief system the less rattled you might be at the time of a death of a child. Your stability will be an asset the family of the child can draw upon during the funeral service.

Have Resources Available: The loss of a child tends to bring out the community in force. Make sure to have avenues for people to express their grief. They will rely on you less if they have other places of support. Some items to keep on hand would be:

Online Journal with a guestbook. People can write in the guestbook at your funeral home, from home or school. It is accessible 24/7.
Grief Therapists and others who can help people through the grieving process can be written out and can be placed on tables or given out at the service.
Virtual Candles can be put on your website for families to light at the wake, service or at a later date.

Finally, remember to stick to the basics. Remember to eat complete meals three times a day. Put away the sugar and the chips. Drink lots of water and skip the caffeine and alcohol. Rest as much as you possibly can. Fatigue exacerbates difficult situations so when you can take a quick nap. If a child’s death is still affecting you after a month or two consider talking to a your doctor or seek grief counseling. Even those in the funeral profession need and can consult outside professionals to help them through emotionally trying times.

Download Our Helpful FREE Funeral Planning Checklist

By funeraladmin|May 20th, 2010|Categories: Blog, burial vaults, caskets, Children and Death, children and grief, Death, end of life, Funeral, Funeral Planning, funerals, funerals for children, Grief, Grief and Loss, Grief Counseling, loss, Loss of a Child|Tags: Blog, burial vaults, caskets, Children and Death, Death, end of life, Funeral, Funeral Planning, funerals for children, Grief and Loss, Grief Counseling, Loss of a Child|Comments Off

Grief and Loss

Death of a Parent

Organizing a deceased parents’ house or put it up for sale is not an easy task because, as you struggle through the various stages of grief, you are filled with reminders of their life. Going through a home is like walking through a photo album. Each room and item has the potential of holding a precious memory. Some people tend to be more pack-rats while others had lived with their home being more spartan. Some people are very generous with those that they allowed in their living space while others tend to be on the paranoid side. When you are going through the house there might be a few extra places you might check to see if there are any hidden memorabilia or heirlooms.

The filing cabinet: Some people are super organized. If your family members were organized type of people, check the filing cabinet first. People have told us they have a red file in the front of the cabinet that is labeled “Love Drawer” or “Family Record Guide” on it. Inside is a list of where all the important papers are to be found, where hidden treasures in the house are stashed away and a copy of their will. Simply pull the file and follow the instructions they have left. The filing cabinets are almost always the last place people may search, as they seem overwhelming. I’ve also heard people say they didn’t check the file cabinets because they felt since the person was deceased, what was in there “didn’t matter anymore.”

Bathroom/Kitchen Sinks: Check under the kitchen/bathroom sinks. Sometimes there is an extra ledge up underneath there were people can hide valuables like important papers or jewelry. It wouldn’t do to sell the house with the family jewels still located inside!

Closets: Check all the bags in the closets no matter how big or small. People like to hide things in plain view and sometimes items such as gold, jewelry, stocks, etc. can be hidden in the closet.

Money Belts: Check to see if any of the belts in the closet are money belts. You might find some extra cash you would have otherwise sent to goodwill with the belts. In addition, check the pockets of suit coats, and inside all women’s purses. Look in the sock drawer for money rolled up in socks, or stuffed between underwear. I know someone that found a thousand dollars cash in a sock drawer.

Freezer: Before you throw out frozen food wrapped in tinfoil, make sure you unwrap it and verify that it is food. People have been known to wrap up stacks of cash and place them in the freezer. The same is true for cereal boxes. Plastic toys may not be the only surprise in a box of cereal!

Cans: Check to make sure the shaving cream can and other items of that type don’t have screened-off bottoms. These could be little safes that match common household products to deter theft. What you think is shaving cream could really be filled with an heirloom item.

Books: Ditto for books. Expensive looking books in reality could be little boxes that hide valuables. Before you pack up boxes of old books, magazines and newspapers, shake out all the pages. Money and stock certificates have been known to drift to the floor when this is done!

Backyard: If you are sorting items from a very private family it might be worth your time to rent a metal detector and do a once — over in the backyard. Some families still believe the coffee can out back is the best place to keep investments safe.

Mattress: Don’t overlook the obvious — what is under the mattress, or the bed.

Knowing your parents and the type of people they were will help determine what they may have done to keep family treasures safe. Never assume anything, especially if your loved ones were suffering from a memory loss in their final stages of life. Remember to smile and think of it as a treasure hunt instead of a burden. You never know what you will find!

Download Our Helpful FREE Funeral Planning Checklist

By funeraladmin|May 19th, 2010|Categories: Blog, dealing with grief, Death, Death of a Parent, death of parent, family record guide, Funeral, Funeral Flowers, Grief and Loss, Grief Counseling, Love Drawer, stages of grief|Tags: Blog, Death, Death of a Parent, family record guide, Funeral, funeral flowers, Grief and Loss, Grief Counseling, Love Drawer|Comments Off

Grief and Loss

Children at the Deathbed

The topic of children and death is a hard one for many people in our society. Keeping kids sheltered is thought to protect the children so that they will not suffer as much. However, when we keep children away from a dying family member or don’t allow kids to attend a funeral we cut them off from the cycle of life. In addition, children realize they have been “left out” and because of this, some children can grow up feeling excluded in other important activities as they go through life.

One of the important ways children learn about death is through socialization. If we do not allow our children to socialize and learn the process of death, then they will not know about coping with loss when they are adults. Death is a natural part of life. In this instance, it most likely will not be as traumatic for these children to be with their mom as you might think–as long as you discuss what death is and where people go after they die. Since discussing death in our western society is a difficult subject for people, this topic is usually handled with evasiveness. Encourage the family of the children to discuss the death of their mother openly and honestly. Be sure to answer any questions the children ask honestly using correct terminology.

The kids are going to comprehend death differently depending on their ages and stages of grief. The seven year old in this case perceives death differently then his/her siblings. Children ages four to seven DO know something is wrong. They think in black and white so it is very important for the adults not to say something like “Mommy is going to heaven in an airplane.” The child will literally think this is happening. The older children can think in conceptual terms and do understand people die and go elsewhere.

I would suggest to the family that they utilize their local hospice, if there is one. The nurses through hospice are wonderful people who can explain in detail to the children the process of death and what might happen at each stage. They will know age appropriate words and concepts. They often can predict the time of death fairly closely. Sometimes dying people see loved ones that have passed away in the room with them and they might talk to them. Dying people can hear music that no one else hears and/or they may see sparkling lights. Prepare the children for end of life behaviors that have happened to others dying for similar reasons.

Having the kids present can help their healing down the road. I would make sure to have them part of a grief support group or they seek some form of professional grief support. One final thing to note is people don’t always choose to die with others present. Some people wish to die alone and will wait to pass until is someplace else, or it is the middle of the night.

Remember that the children need to honor their own feelings, as well as that of their mother. If they want to be at her bedside, then make that possible for them. If they do not want to be there, allow them to feel good about their decision to stay away. Either way, there should be no guilt involved with the choices the children make.

Death is hard regardless if you are in the room with the person or not. Assist your family to know what supports are available to them.

Download Our 4 FREE Guides to Create Your Smart End of Life Plan

By funeraladmin|May 18th, 2010|Categories: Blog, Children and Death, coping with loss, dealing with grief, Death, end of life, Funeral, Grief, Grief and Loss, Grief Counseling, grief support, stages of grief|Tags: Blog, Children and Death, coping with loss, Death, end of life, Funeral, Grief and Loss, Grief Counseling, grief support, stages of grief|Comments Off

Grief and Loss

The Empty Space

When you lose a wife or husband it is the first of many end of life losses. As you are finding out there is more than one person/thing missing in your life. Everything about your life is now different. The empty space will seem smaller as you go through the various stages of grief and as you change and grow from within. To help you with this change so that the empty space seem less empty you can:

Make a Plan:

You are changing even if you do not realize you are changing. The loss you experienced has created a vacuum in your daily life. In general, nature abhors a vacuum. Personally we do not like a hole or space so we rearrange things to make us feel complete. This change occurs whether you want it to or not. What you can control however, is how you want that change to look, feel and act. Make a list of goals of where you want to be in six months, a year or even eighteen months from now. What do you have to do to obtain these goals? For example do you need to downsize your home and move to a smaller abode? The more in control you feel the quicker you can manage your grief and loss.

Start Something New:

When change occurs in your life it is a good time to try something new. What have you wanted to do for some time but haven’t given it a go– like taking pottery classes? Perhaps there is a trip you have always wanted to take? Make a life list of things you still want to do before you die and start checking them off!

Rearrange Your Space:

It is important to change your personal surroundings to reflect the internal changes occurring in your life. Take stock of your material possessions and remove the ones from your living space that no longer suit you or that you no longer need/use. Go through your wife or husband’s belongings and keep a few treasured items and then remove the rest form your space. This cleansing process might be difficult but it will help you grieve and eventually help to fill that empty space.

Decide Who You Are:

No matter what our age we can always ask the question, “Who do I want to be now?” You are moving from a time in your life where decisions were decided as a “we” and not as an “I”. How do “I” want to live? Where do “I” want to live? Who do “I” want as friends? How do “I” want people to see me now? What decisions do “I” need to learn to do that we used to make as a “we”?

I had a perfect example in my grandmother. My grandfather died in 1985 at the age of 82. Throughout their marriage he refused to eat pizza or have it delivered. My grandmother decided in her next phase of life that she was going to have pizza. It helped defined what she wanted be. Small things can be as important as the big things.

Remember that you will be changing over the coming years. You do not have to be a passive observer to your own life. You do not need to feel like a victim because your husband (or wife) died but instead you can take the control seat. With each change you make the empty space will start to fade and it will, in some ways, seem smaller.

Download Our 4 FREE Guides to Create Your Smart End of Life Plan

By funeraladmin|May 13th, 2010|Categories: Blog, Death, end of life, Funeral, Grief, Grief and Loss, loss, loss of a spouse, stages of grief|Tags: Blog, coping with loss, Death, death of spouse, Funeral, Grief and Loss, Grief Counseling, stages of grief|Comments Off

End of Life, Death, and Dying

Death and End of Life are

the Great Equalizers

No matter what we believe, what we have or have not studied, how young or how old we are, the end result of life is death. All of us are going to die. All of us will have the same journey to reach a new level of being. Therefore, it would be a great opportunity for compassion to understand those around the world, no matter what color, what country, or what religion, to realize that we are the same – and we are going to do the same thing as every other. Yes, unfortunately we will all die some day.

How will that affect what I think, how I treat others? What if someone wants a cremation rather than a funeral? Can I accept that concept? (For example, cremation is the norm, not the exception, in Asian countries.) How do I feel about the burial of a body within twenty-four hours, with no cremation or embalming? How do I feel about some religions that do not allow women to come to the funeral of a man?

There are as many different customs and rituals to plan a funeral as there are different religious belief systems. Many times I hear of funeral directors that are doing amazing things to help their families that have a different funeral ritual than what many in America have called “the traditional” memorial service. It would be impossible to learn all the rituals, but that may not be important. Perhaps the bigger question is have you as a funeral director thought of your own comfort level to the rituals common in other cultures or belief systems? Ask yourself if you are opened minded enough to foster different services, and to be at ease during those services.

To help ponder these end of life planning matters here are a few questions and exercises to help you discover your comfort level.

1. When is the last time you had a service in your funeral home that was different than you traditionally hold? For example, did you serve a family that was Hindu but you are traditionally a Christian firm? How did that service make you feel? Comfortable? Out of place? Wishing it was over quickly?

2. When you are presented with something that is out of your comfort zone how do you cope with the situation? Do you have systems in place to help you process the new information?

3. What resources do you have in your community to help you learn about other cultures and their burial practices? Would you be willing to have someone from a different culture come and teach you and those you work with about their rituals and needs?

4. How can you expand your services to include “new” forms of service to families you have not ministered to before?

5. Can you discuss with friends and colleagues what they have done to incorporate the needs of other cultures? Can you be open and dialogue about how comfortable/uncomfortable you can be with opening your business and your psyche to something different?

Funeral Service is a great profession that gives service to people in need. If you can find great compassion for that ritual you do not know about, or agree with, you will not only be assisting your families, but yourself. Because, after all, we are all going to do the same thing –die, right? It is the people left on earth who make it look like we are not doing the same thing…but we are!

In today’s world, we need to find our commonness, that which makes us the same, rather than focus on differences. You are in a rare business to recognize you are the one that can create harmony and understanding across cultures. You, of all people, know what we are like in death, and that we all face it alike, and all those left behind feel the same grief and loss.

Download Our 4 FREE Guides to Create Your Smart End of Life Plan

By funeraladmin|May 13th, 2010|Categories: Blog, burial, cremation, cremations, end of life, end-of-life planning, funeral customs, Grief and Loss, memorial service, Memorial Services, plan a funeral, religion and death|Tags: Blog, burial, cremation, cremations, Death, end of life, end of life planning, Grief and Loss, Memorial Service, Memorial Services, plan a funeral|Comments Off

Pet Death

Children and Pet Loss

Question:

Our family dog died last week and my son is beside himself. We held a small funeral for Scruffy and then had him cremated. Should I be worried about my son’s grief and loss?

Pet loss, and the stages of grief related to it, is just now coming into sharp focus. Researchers are beginning to contrast how the loss of a pet can affect a person with the loss of a relative or a friend. In 2006, the Journal of Death Studies (Volume 30: pages 61-76) did an article about children and coping with the loss of a pet.

Here is some information from the article which might be of help to you:

1. Depression and anxiety might occur over the loss of a pet but it probably won’t be as intense as the loss of a family member.

2. Some research has found up to 30% of children experience severe grief. What children might experience more grief then others is determined by how integral the pet was to the family, how strong the tie was to the pet, and if the death was sudden.

3. Adolescent girls have a harder time with pet loss than do boys in that age group.
For children, grief over a pet might last longer than for adults. It might be the child’s first time experiencing death and hence they may show more emotions as they learn what grief feels like and what it means to them.

4. A death of a pet can bring up grief from past losses. (If a pet was brought into the family before the loss of a loved one that pet is like a bridge to that person. When the pet dies people have said it brings back the loss of the loved one all over again. People state if feels like they have lost the last living link to their loved one lost.)

With your son, be aware that his grief might be very intense. His relationship to Scruffy was one that he had every day. Do not be surprised if his grief is more intense over the loss of his pet than if a grandparent dies that he has not seen very often. Children grieve differently than adults. Some warning signs of intense grief are: not wanting to go to school, wanting to go to heaven to be with Scruffy, and problems with eating and sleeping. You might see some acting-out behaviors because your son doesn’t know how to talk about his anger or sadness over the loss of his pet.

There are things you can do to help your son heal. They are:

1. Do not downplay your son’s grief over the loss of his dog. To him the loss is deep, personal, and hurts like heck. In other words, do not trivialize his feelings.

2. Talk to him about his feelings. If he has troubles verbalizing his thoughts then have him draw pictures of him and Scruffy. Then have him talk about the pictures.

3. Creating pet memorials for Scruffy either through clay, paintings, a poem, writing, or any other form of memorial services.

4. Talk about grief and feelings and explain that getting a new pet right away won’t make the sad feelings go away. Tell him that in time if it is right for him and the family a new dog will be brought into your home.

5. Let him know that you understand that a new pet will never be a replacement for the old. Help him to see that a new pet will bring new yet different delights.

Pet loss is a wonderful way for kids to learn about loss and the subsequent grief. The way you help them to handle their emotions and questions during this loss will set the stage for future losses amongst friends and family members. Don’t avoid the subject but address it head on.

Download Our Helpful FREE Funeral Planning Checklist

By funeraladmin|May 13th, 2010|Categories: Blog, Children and Death, children and grief, coping with loss, Death, Grief and Loss, loss of a pet, memorial service, Memorial Services, pet death, pet loss, pet memorial, pet memorials, stages of grief|Tags: Blog, Children and Death, coping with loss, Death, Grief and Loss, Memorial Service, pet death, pet loss, pet memorial, pet memorials, stages of grief|Comments Off

Cremation Memorials

Cremation Memorials Help the Bereaved

Psychologists and counselors have been researching the effects of grief and loss with more frequency over the past century. They are finding tangible positive effects of bereavement on the family members. The positive healing effect can be explained when it is recognized that art expresses that which cannot be expressed through just words. Grief often lies beyond words, beyond simple explanations of our conscience minds. It is in the unconscious that expression of deep wounds and tragedy of loss is found. Grief cannot be reduced to the rationale. Art can speak to us and facilitate the connection with what is going on inside of our minds as we grieve to help us through the process.

Julie A. Burn, Director of Cremation Services for the International Cemetery, Cremation and Funeral Association, says today’s families have more choices than ever before. “It’s important for families to take the time to grieve their loss and to find a way to remember the life that was lived, regardless of whether they are choosing cremation or traditional funeral and burial,” Burn said. “Today’s cremation services offer many ways to honor the deceased, and so I would encourage families to be sure to ask the funeral home and the cemetery what their options are for creating tributes and memorials that are personalized and have meaning to them.”

It is expected that the Funeral Directors become an active part of the presentation of the Cremation Memorial in order to facilitate these benefits.

The Funeral Directors are expected to:

Become educated on the processes involved with creating the memorials
Gain a personal confidence in the company creating the memorials
Getting the sample of the cremated remains to the artist
Receive back the remainder of the cremated remains when the work is complete

Adding the additional service as an option to the families adds an additional source of income to add to the bottom line of the business. The artisans producing the memorials typically recognize that the contributions of the Funeral Director are essential in making the transaction. When the Funeral Directors have invested time into learning about the product and are able to represent the benefits to the family and confidence in the company handling the cremated remains that is when the families really consider the option. Additional value is added to the families when the handling of the cremated remains is taken care of too. The samples of remains are sent to the artist and the remaining cremated remains are received back when the work is complete.

Types of Cremation Memorials

Several new memorial technology options have been used as a medium to incorporate cremated remains, for example:

Memorial Diamonds

Man made diamonds are molecularly identical to naturally occurring diamonds. By recreating the forces of nature to the primary element of all diamonds, carbon, a diamond can be made. General Electric first pioneered this technology in the mid 1950’s.

By using the carbon from the cremated remains or a lock of hair, memorial diamonds can be created to forever encase the cremated ashes in a unique and beautiful memorial.

To create the memorial diamond, the carbon is heated to extremely high temperatures. This step removes the existing ash and converts the carbon to graphite with the unique characteristics and elements that will create the diamond. The graphite is then placed in a press capable of replicating the forces in the earth, heat and pressure. The pressure needed is nearly 1,000,000 psi and the temperatures are up to 3000 degrees centigrade. In approximately 70 days, depending on the size of the memorial diamond you wish to create, the resulting rough diamond crystal grows. When the rough diamond is ready, skilled diamond cutters facet the memorial diamond according to the families’ selection. The diamonds can be inspected and graded by trained gemologists, the same process used by the world’s finest jewelers.

These memorial diamonds are typically available in sizes from .25 ct. to 1.5 ct. The colors that these memorial diamonds can be created range from blue to red to yellow to green.

Keepsake Jewelry

Keepsake jewelry is a small urn that can be worn as jewelry or hung in a display. It has a small area inside to hold a memorial to the loved one, like cremated remains for example. Keepsakes were first introduced by Madelyn Pendants in 1992. Joni Cullen and Lisa Saxer-Buros created keepsakes when they lost their friend and mother Madelyn Saxer. From Madelyn Saxer’s zest for living and her ability to embrace death, the concept of the Keepsake Pendant was born: A symbol of continuing love, a reassuring remembrance to keep close to one’s heart. In creating the pendant line, they had a simple purpose: to enable others to cope more easily, to hold a source of comfort in their hands and to find peace in their hearts. The keepsakes were initially intended for cremains but Joni and Lisa soon realized that was limiting the benefits of the keepsakes which also hold locks of hair, funeral flowers and other personal items.

The death care industry has used the term Keepsakes for so long now that it has come to be synonymous with all Cremation Memorials. When Madelyn Pendants started marketing the keepsakes there were no other cremation memorial options available to the families. They had to coin the term because there was not a name for the niche yet. The acceptance to the keepsakes has been steadily growing since they were introduced. If initiation is flattery then Joni and Lisa have been flattered. Today there are a number of companies producing and marketing keepsake jewelry.

Keepsake Urns

Once keepsake jewelry started to catch on there was a recognition that the families could benefit from Cremation Memorials. The urn companies began introducing lines of small urns. The small urns, keepsake urns were designed to hold a portion of the cremated remains. The funeral directors and urn resellers were able to fill the need of the families to provide a way to create multiple memorials to the loved ones. Family members do not all live around the same cemetery or crematorium, in fact they often live in different cities and states. The families still have the natural need to for a memorial. Cremation urns fill this need perfectly. Families often request several keepsake urns for all the family members.

Cremation urns come in as many forms and shapes and made of as many materials as urns have come to be found in. And the variety is increasing.

Cremation Painting

Cremated remains are combined with the paint used to create a memorial painting. The artists can paint a portrait of the loved one, a landscape or still life that invokes memories of the loved one. Because the art is individually commissioned the size, form and subject can be personalized to the families needs. This is one of the newest Cremation Memorial mediums that have come available to families. It is testament to the even larger variety of memorialization options that families will be presented in the future.

Memorial Pottery

Pottery work that incorporates cremated remains into the clay or into the glaze that become the memorial. As with the Cremation Paintings, the pottery form of memorialization takes on a very personal nature. The individually commissioned pieces are designed to reflect the essence of the loved one as well as contain the cremated remains.

FREE Licensed Funeral Help – and – End of Life Counselor Support

By funeraladmin|April 28th, 2010|Categories: Bereavement, Blog, burial, cremation, cremation diamonds, cremation memorial, cremation memorials, cremation urns, cremations, Funeral Flowers, Grief, Grief and Loss, Memorial Diamond, memorial diamonds, Memorial Technology|Tags: Bereavement, Blog, burial, cremation, cremation memorial, cremation urns, cremations, Death, funeral flowers, Grief and Loss, memorial diamond, Memorial Diamonds, Memorial Technology|Comments Off

Terminal Illness

Helpful Considerations When

Facing a Terminal Illness

No one wants to talk about death or dying. Nor do they want to think about how to plan a funeral for someone they love, especially if they have not passed. Although extremely difficult, planning the funeral arrangements of a loved one who has been diagnosed as terminally ill is one of the best decisions you can make. However, we strongly encourage you to seek professional help!

When you combine the death of someone you care for with wanting to make the right end of life decisions, especially given the fact that you have a limited amount of time to attend to all the details, it usually leaves many families feeling overwhelmed.

Our Funeral Advisors, Family Counselors, and Funeral Directors can help answer some of the more common, and more difficult, questions that people have about many of the funeral planning challenges that may lie ahead. They can also help guide you to become empowered by providing you with the information and resources you need – and deserve – to know.

Facing a terminal illness and loss is hard enough to deal with, but the end of life planning shouldn’t be. At your time of need, our nationwide network of pre-screened Funeral Advisors/Directors/Counselors are here to both educate and assist you in making the best possible decisions.

FREE Licensed Funeral Help – and – End of Life Counselor Support

By funeraladmin|April 28th, 2010|Categories: Blog, Death, end of life, end-of-life planning, funeral planning challenges, funeral planning help, Grief and Loss, plan a funeral, planning a funeral, terminal illness, terminally ill planning|Tags: Blog, Death, end of life, end of life planning, Funeral Planning, funeral planning challenges, Grief and Loss, plan a funeral, terminal illness, terminally ill|Comments Off

Find Funeral Help

Find a Pre-Screened and Qualified™

Funeral Professional Near You

To plan a funeral is widely recognized as an extremely difficult task, mainly because you are trying to cope with a combination of difficult decisions that usually involve your emotions, finances, religion, conflicting opinions, grief and loss, and time constraints. Therefore, when it comes to end of life planning for something so important, we strongly encourage you to seek the help of one of our Funeral Professionals:

What to Look for in a Funeral Professional:

Work through arrangements with the next of kin or responsible party
Clearly explain all the services they can provide, as well as those services they cannot help you with
Help coordinate the appropriate funeral home services and merchandise
Provide informative, educational, and compassionate advice and support
Assist in all forms of counseling with the family including planning, budget analysis, grief support, as well as legal services and connections
Review all of your financial options, work within your budget, as well as review their General Price List (which is required to be disclosed and readily available by state regulations as well as the Federal Trade Commission)
Discuss your options regarding transportation and choosing your preferred funeral home or cemetery
Help in your decision for burial or cremation options
Provide assistance with funeral options such as preparation of remains, embalming, restorative art, etc.
Help coordinate the use of their facilities to assist with memorial services, use of their chapel, hearse, etc.
Conduct cemetery or graveside burial service
Perform the funeral service
Coordinate your funeral plans with religious affiliations such as your Church, Synagogue, Catholic Funeral Planning, etc.

FREE Licensed Funeral Help – and – End of Life Counselor Support

By funeraladmin|April 28th, 2010|Categories: Blog, burial, end of life, Funeral Home Services, Funeral Planning, funeral services, general price list, Grief and Loss, Grief Support, memorial service, Memorial Services, plan a funeral, planning a funeral|Tags: Blog, burial, end of life, Funeral Home Services, Funeral Planning, general price list, Grief and Loss, grief support, plan a funeral|Comments Off

Funeral Planning Help

Three Most Common Reasons Families

Need Help Planning a Funeral

There are three common situations where families need funeral planning information, guidance, and support:

1. A loved one has recently passed:

One of the best ways to reduce the stress and pressure involved when you need to plan a funeral is to make sure you’re well prepared. This involves being able to access helpful information, people, places, and resources. It also helps to start with a plan.

FuneralResources.com is solely designed to help you find complete details regarding everything you need to know when facing any type of funeral planning. Our goal is to help you organize this process and ensure educated and clear decision-making, as well as provide access to pre-screened funeral homes and professionals.

2. A loved one has been diagnosed as terminally ill:

There is usually a tremendous amount of chaos surrounding funeral planning, especially when the loved one in question has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. At such a time, you will likely be overcome with grief and loss, and need someone slightly more removed from your loved one, such as professional grief counseling, to act objectively and handle the many options and responsibilities of planning a funeral in advance.

Key considerations when faced with a terminal illness:

a) Review the Last Will of your loved one to learn of any special or unique arrangements they might have in place. The goal here is to find any plans or preferences regarding their end of life planning, as well as to see if they might have accomplished any preplanning.

b) If established, be sure to review their Living Will and Advanced Medical Directives. These documents can become extremely important in the event certain difficult health circumstances arise. The goal of these documents is to ensure their last wishes are carried out by the people closest to them in the event they become physically or mentally incapable of making these choices on their own.

c) If everyone mutually agrees that the Last Will or Living Trust is not going to be discussed or reviewed until after death, we strongly suggest that you consult with a funeral estate planning attorney to review the Last Will and identify if there are any special instructions concerning their last wishes.

d) Inform certain key people of what likely lies ahead including immediate family, friends and relatives, co-workers, insurance companies, a family doctor, the Cemetery or other burial place, other organizations such as churches, social clubs, etc.

3. Preplanning your end-of-life plans and preferences

In the past, planning for your death in advance was considered to be taboo. Today, preplanning a funeral and the accompanying arrangements is a popular decision and should be considered an important part of planning for the future. There are many reasons to consider learning more about the 3 ways to preplan a funeral. The most important reason is because it reduces or eliminates the emotional and financial pressure of making difficult decisions during life’s most challenging circumstances. In addition, prearrangements also let you choose exactly how you want to be memorialized and allows for personal preferences in all aspects of the funeral service. Not only is this becoming a widely accepted part of a sound comprehensive financial plan, but we firmly believe this is one of the greatest gifts you can leave your loved ones.

Download Our Helpful FREE Funeral Planning Checklist

By funeraladmin|April 28th, 2010|Categories: Blog, Death, end of life, Funeral Estate Planning, Funeral Planning, funeral planning help, Grief and Loss, Grief Counseling, Last Will, living trust, plan a funeral, preplan a funeral, terminal illness|Tags: Blog, Death, end of life, Funeral Estate Planning, funeral insurance, Funeral Planning, Grief and Loss, Grief Counseling, last will, living trust, plan a funeral, preplan a funeral, terminal illness|Comments Off

How To Give a Eulogy

Giving a Eulogy is Hard To Do…

But Good Things Don’t Come Easy

Most people will probably say they dread giving a funeral eulogy. This is partly because one of the biggest fears most people have is public speaking, and partly because it is so difficult and emotional to summarize a person’s life story in a series of moments.

I had to give a funeral eulogy at a loved ones memorial service, and I will not hesitate to tell you that it was extremely difficult. Afterward I felt like I had experienced just about every emotion possible. Some of the toughest parts were being nervous, having to reflect on my grief and loss, worrying about getting through it without breaking into tears, and trying not to forget anyone. Some of the best parts about this was reflecting back on all of the great memories, the special people in her life, the amazing things she did for me and others, the funny stories, and being able to heal by sharing and expressing my thoughts and feelings.

I worked so hard, for what felt like countless hours, to try to find all the right words, recall all the most important memories and stories, and mention all the key people in her life. And to be very honest, I wish I could go back and do it again. To this day, I still look back with regret, wishing I could go back and say some things I neglected to mention.

Tips To Giving a Good Eulogy

In the event that you, or anyone you know, needs to give a eulogy, I have put together some tips that I learned that I hope can help you:

Giving a eulogy is a good thing for you

It may hurt to write a eulogy, and it also might be hard to read it. For some, that is the worst part. The world might spin a little, and everything familiar to you might fade for a few minutes. But remember, remind yourself as you stand there that you are the lucky one who gets to tell everyone about this special person.

You were selected to face the group, the family, the world, and summarize the story of this loved ones life. You are the one being asked to do something at the very moment when nothing can be done. You are the one who gets the last word in the attempt to define the outlines of a life. You are the one who gets to tell everyone who this person was, the differences they made in so many lives, and the reason their life should be celebrated. You are the one who gets to heal through this grief and loss process.

So it really doesn’t matter what you say, or how you say it. The reality is this opportunity is both a privilege and a gift.

Don’t feel like you have to accept this offer

If on any level you are not interested in taking on this task, for whatever reason, that is perfectly OK. Some people may choose to decline this gift for a variety of reasons. They might feel putting together the story of someone’s life is too difficult, or too emotional. Some people are simply too overcome with bereavement and grief. Some people may feel like they are not the most appropriate person. Others may feel as if they are not great expressing feelings or emotions publicly.

So know that whether you choose to accept this gift and give a eulogy, or not, there are no wrong decisions. It is totally a matter of preference and comfort.

Creating a funeral eulogy will be difficult

Be prepared for the harsh reality that this will be a difficult thing to do, from beginning to end. Writing and reading of a funeral eulogy is, above all, the simple and elegant search for small truths. They don’t have to be truths that everyone agrees on, or even that everyone knows about. The should just be the ones most people will wither recognize or appreciate. This can be surprisingly hard to make note and mention of some of the smallest of details of a life. But some of these details can define a person, and even serve as a form of recognition.

What I am referring to is small examples like:

She cared more about her family and her friends than she did herself.
He loved to talk about his football team, his military background, his career.
She never wanted to talk about herself, but rather listen and learn about you.
He had a loud voice that could be heard across a crowded room.
She always said and did the right things.
He was never found anywhere without a cigar in his hand or mouth.
She lived for gardening, and I will always think of her with every beautiful flower.

Don’t worry about time

They may tell you have have a specific period of time, and that there is a set schedule. They may tell you that you have three minutes, or five minutes. They may tell you to take all the time you want. Don’t listen or follow any limitations, as I firmly believe that time constraints are always an insult at funeral or memorial services.

Of course you want to be respectful and work within the finite space you’ve been given, and remember that the funeral eulogy is just one part of the memorial service. However, tell your story, express your feelings, and it this ends up being shorter or longer than others may wish, it does not matter at all.

Remember who to speak to

As you stand there, think about the room as being filled with rings of loyalty. The people in the nearest ring, or those closest to you, likely in the front row, are owed the most. You should speak first to them. And then, in the next measure, consider speaking to room itself, which is the next ring, which is usually filled with the closest family, friends, and loved ones. Then consider speaking to the last right, which is the physical world outside, the neighborhood, the town, the place, the groups, the clubs, the associations, the companies, etc.

So try to remember your rings of loyalty, and also try to speak to them in the order they deserve.

Be sure to put your thoughts in writing

You must be sure to write down all of your thoughts. In grief, people can have a tendency to wander through memories that may not be acute, relevant, well-framed, or purposeful. Sometimes people can move off track into a personal feelings, stories or conversations that are not necessarily appropriate. Therefore, make sure to have you thoughts documented, or at the very least a general outline.

You might be struck with emotion or cry

To give a funeral eulogy is one of the most emotional experiences you can go through in life. With that in mind, you must accept that fact that you might get extremely emotional, cry, or even reach a point where you cannot continue. But if possible, try not to give up. Just remember that everyone who is in attendance and listening can fully understand and relate to the fact that giving a funeral eulogy is an extremely difficult and emotional thing to do. And also remember that everyone admires and respects you for having your courage and contribution to express these special words with them.

Since you may become overwhelmed with emotion or cry, this is another reason why you should have everything in writing. This can help you stay on track, not lose your focus, and pick up where you left off should you need to stop for emotional reasons.

One final suggestion is to have a backup plan. Sometimes close loved ones can break into an emotional state where they simply cannot recover or continue. If you feel like this might happen to you, make sure you ask someone to be there for you, and be ready to come up and help you finishing giving your funeral eulogy. Again, everyone understands and appreciates you for sharing, whether you finish or not.

Practice, practice, practice

As with any public presentation, the best thing you can do is practice this speech. Read it aloud until you feel comfortable with the content and how it flows. Practice and rehearse to the point where you might even be able to give this eulogy without reading if you had to.

Another major advantage to practicing is it will help you evoke the emotions you have inside, and determine which parts are the most difficult to deliver. This can help you prepare more intensely in certain areas, or even redesign how to give a eulogy, if you feel like you need to minimize some of your emotions to get through this.

Prepare yourself for in case something goes wrong

Often times during public speeches, especially during such sensitive gatherings such as funeral home services, events can occur that will throw you off course. There might be a noise, an unexpected emotional outburst, a child crying, or the microphone failing to work properly. Again, this is where practice helps by allowing you to stay on track and keep your composure. If it helps, make up something you say to yourself to help you through those moments and allow you to regain your refocus.

Also, one other note is that many people choose not give a eulogy by reading everything word for word. The use bullet points and the expand on their thoughts from each bullet point, topic, or subject. Keep in mind this during such an emotional and sensitive speech, you may say something that feels “out of line” or inappropriate. But like I mentioned above, that is perfectly normal, to be expected, and something to prepare for and be ready to work through.

Finally, practice speaking slowly, and during times of great importance or intense emotion, learn to pause. A pause is good for you because it allows you to collect your thoughts and gather you composure should you need to. A pause is also good for those in attendance because the silence helps to create a stronger and more powerful message.

Consider using humor

For many people humor and laughs can be a pivot point in a funeral. Especially when the deceased is someone who was known to have a good sense of humor. Eulogies don’t have to always be about the sadness or the loss. They can be about the funny memories, person, or stories.

In fact, some of the best laughs come by forcing people to remember who this person really was, versus strictly “glorifying” them. For example, one of the best ways to use humor is through telling a story about something everyone can relate to about this loved one. This can even be about something that was not among their best qualities. At the closing of your story, the element of surprise always brings a good laugh when you can summarize with a conclusion that no one expects.

In summary

During any good eulogy, you can expect that there will be moments of panic, silence, laughter, sadness, or moments when the speaker gets choked up. Giving a eulogy is almost always accompanied by challenges and surprises. This is one of those things you can fully prepare for, but have no idea what to expect.

However, if you can find the strength to take advantage of this great opportunity, I am fully confident you will be glad you were able to tell your story and express yourself with so many other who share in your thoughts, feelings, and loss. And no matter what happens, no matter what you say, no matter how you feel before or afterward, you will be loved and appreciated by those in attendance, as well as those listening above.

See Our Additional Funeral Eulogy Guides Here

Download Our Helpful FREE Funeral Planning Checklist

Christopher P. Hill, Founder
FuneralResources.com

By funeraladmin|February 23rd, 2010|Categories: bereavement and grief, Blog, creating a eulogy, Death, eulogy, eulogy humor, funeral eulogy, Funeral Eulogy, Funeral Planning, Grief and Loss, how to deliver a eulogy, How to Write a Eulogy, memorial service, Memorial Services, using humor in a eulogy|Tags: Blog, child eulogy, Death, deliver a eulogy, father eulogy, funeral eulogies, funeral eulogy, Grief and Loss, how to give a eulogy, Memorial Service, Memorial Services, mother eulogy, plan a funeral, sibling eulogy, spouse eulogy, write a eulogy|Comments Off

New Memorial Technology

Funeral Directors and Families Benefit From
New Memorial Technology

The following is a true story;

“Not too long ago, a friend of mine approached me whose aunt had just recently passed away. He was unable to travel to the funeral service due to a serious prior work commitment, but was comforted to hear that the technology existed to broadcast the funeral service LIVE on the internet. At his request, we contacted the funeral home that was caring for his aunt and informed them of the family’s desire to broadcast their memorial service LIVE on the Internet. Unfortunately, this particular Funeral Home was not willing to expand their services for his family’s request and take advantage of today’s new technologies. I regret to say that my friend was unable to participate in his aunt’s life celebration, and his family was extremely upset when they heard about the incident.” Curtis Funk, President, FuneralRecording.com.

The moral of the story…

If you really think about this story, not only can I can assure you that this person’s family will be taking their future business elsewhere, but I can also assure you that there are many other people who will be hearing about this story.

Now, maybe this story is an extremely uncommon situation, but what I believe is most important here is the underlying message. Funeral Webcasting, despite all of the recent hype in the funeral industry, is by no means a new technology. In fact, over the last few years it has been quickly gaining traction to the point where most family members are beginning to request it, or at the very least, expect this to be a regular part of a Funeral Director’s recommendations and services. So I cannot emphasize enough how important it that Funeral Directors embrace the many new technologies that are being so widely embraced today.

To further prove this point, in the March 2009 edition of the National Funeral Directors Association Magazine, called “Director“, John D. Reed, NFDA’s President, had the following to say;

“There is no doubt that with today’s technology, even the smallest Funeral Homes can be more competitive and cost-effective and offer the families they serve a wider range of products and services.”

New Memorial Technology – or Not?

The reality is Funeral Webcasting is just one of today’s many new and innovative memorial technology tools that are widely recognized in the funeral industry as common services that help make a difficult situation a little easier. In fact:

1. FOX News published an article entitled “8 Tech Trends of 2010; You’ll Attend a Funeral Online, where Funeral Webcasting was rated #1.

2. NBC News contacted me to learn more about this new technology, and you can see the short video by Clicking Here

3. ABC News contacted me for an interview regarding the new Gravestone Technology

4. FOX News featured an excellent story about Memorial Reefs, which is a cremation option also referred to as a “Green Burial at Sea”

It is a proven fact that there are many other new funeral and memorial technologies that can significantly benefit most families. In fact, our surveys indicate that a Video Tribute and Memorial Website are also among the most popular technology tools families are searching for today. Therefore, it only makes sense that these should be viewed as standard funeral home services that today’s Funeral Directors recommend and provide.

Click Here to See:

The Six Most Common Funeral Technology Tools Families are Choosing

The reality is that these new funeral technologies can help every Funeral Director in multiple ways too, such as helping strengthen the relationship with their families and communities, keeping pace with the competition, increasing website traffic, receiving more family referrals, increasing their credibility, and opening up many more opportunities for new services and growth.

Just as they have done for centuries, most Funeral Directors are quickly adapting to these new industry changes. One of the key ways a Funeral Director can measure success is through ensuring their families make the most out of this difficult situation. Since these new memorial technologies can only benefit their valued public service, most Funeral Directors are becoming more proactive. Instead of sitting back and waiting for their families to request these new helpful tools, today’s industry leaders are being proactive by taking advantage of these new opportunities in the marketplace…and adding them as a standard part of the services they provide.

Our experience with both families and Funeral Directors is that regardless of the family’s situation, or the size of your city or town, families of all kinds and sizes will warmly embrace and accept these types of services when they are correctly presented to them.

Two things we know for certain…

Here are two things we know for certain. First, given the advent of the Internet and the constant evolution of new and improved technology, we know that the funeral industry needs to keep pace with today’s constantly changing environment. Second, we know that Funeral Directors will do what they have done for centuries, which is find new ways to adapt the these changes. Our goal at FuneralResources.com is to help facilitate this process sooner versus later.

Download Our 4 FREE Guides to Create Your Smart End of Life Plan

Christopher P. Hill, Founder
FuneralResources.com

By funeraladmin|February 11th, 2010|Categories: Funeral, Funeral Home Services, funeral webcasting live, gravestone technology, Memorial Diamond, memorial diamonds, Memorial Technology, Memorial Tribute, Memorial Website, tribute video, Video Tribute|Tags: Funeral, Funeral Home Services, Funeral Music, Funeral Webcasting, gravestone technology, Memorial Reefs, Memorial Technology, memorial website, Video Tribute|Comments Off

End of Life

My Personal Story…

That’s Not So Easy To Share…

I would like to ask you to please spend some time reading this personal story of mine. I am FULLY confident that you will find something in this story, some special message, that will make your life better, and end up being worth a few minutes of your time.

When it comes to financial planning, I will spare you the boring details about the importance of having a plan in place for the unexpected, using products and strategies like Umbrealla Policies, Life Insurance, Wills, Trusts, Estate Planning, Disability Insurance, Long-Term Care Insurance. etc.

In the past I might have boasted about how well-versed and experienced I was with helping my clients design and create strategies to protect my clients, and my own family, against the unexpected. But the truth is, my life has been forever changed since I lost my mother on Thanksgiving Day of 2008.

Looking Back…

Since nobody in my family had ever really dealt with losing a “close” family member before, we had no idea what to expect. In fact, we didn’t know and we didn’t plan for this outcome in any way, simply because we never once thought about – or talked about = being in that situation.

Once my mother became sick, the thought never crossed our minds to talk about what would happen “afterwards”. Truthfully, in those situations, talking about someone’s death is an unspoken, unlikely, and unacceptable outcome that never crossed your mind. All you can think about, and all you can talk about, is how they are going to be ok. They will make it. Stay strong. You have loving family, friends, and medical support – all of which will help you get through this.

After she passed, I can vividly remember that feeling of being so confused, uncertain, and disappointed. Why? Because I didn’t know what to do next, or who to turn to. I also remember realizing that I didn’t know the any of the details regarding what my mother would have really wanted with regards to her end of life plans and preferences. Why? Because I did not have the courage to ask while she was still alive and healthy. Once she back sick, it was simply never the right time to discuss death or dying.

Even after almost 5 years now, I still don’t feel comfortable talking about it. But what I do feel comfortable talking about is what happened after.

What Happens After a Loved One Passes?

My next memory is, right about the time the enormity of the situation was just starting to sink in, we were sitting in a local Funeral Home, surrounded by various types of caskets and cremation urns, reviewing a two-sided legal page (General Price List) which is filled with countless options on how to plan a funeral – all of which probably add up to well over $200,000.

Now please keep in mind that, at that time, the last thing in the world any of us wanted to talk about or think about was planning a funeral and memorial service, much less having to make decisions regarding any of the financial aspects.

Things I Bet You Never Thought About…

Here is a list of some other funeral planning challenges we faced that. Keep in mind that, like our family, all of these decisions are usually made within a period of a few days, and with little or no education or professional guidance:

How do we determine which Funeral Home, Cemetery, or Funeral Director?
How do we arrange and notify family members and/or loved ones who live out of town? Who contacts who?
How do we determine exactly what type of memorial service is most appropriate? Do you celebrate a life? Do you mourn?
Knowing whether there was a preference to be cremated or buried?
Choosing among many different types of caskets or urns?
Where should the final resting place be for the cremated remains?
How should our plans and preferences work with regards to your religion? Which Church? Which Priest?
Who should be invited, and how do you locate all their names and numbers?
Who will pay for these funeral expenses, and how will this be paid for?
Who will give a eulogy at the memorial service? Who will do a reading?
What is funeral etiquette with regards to dress, time, date, day?
Will there be a gathering after the memorial service? If so, who should be invited?
How do you place an obituary? What should it say? Who should handle this?
Do you want to request funeral flowers or donations?
Choosing among pictures, funeral music, videos, and much, much more…

It is Time For Change…

They say “everything happens for a reason“. Well, even though I believe there is never a valid “reason” to lose a loved one, I can say that this experience has opened my eyes to a lot of things that have previously gone unnoticed. And as time passes, the one thing in particular that is becoming crystal clear is the fact people and families need to prepare their end of life plans and preferences in advance.

In all my years of financial education and training, I have never once heard someone so much as talk about how to help the families we serve by encouraging them to create an end of life plan.

Well my friends, it is time for change. Maybe losing my mother is the “reason” and inspiration behind my serious movement to help families make a difficult situation easier.

So from this day forward, I will be seeking the help the finest associations, organizations, and people in the funeral and financial planning industries. Along with their help, I am going to be speaking loudly, boldly, and clearly, about the need for change when it comes to financial, retirement, and estate planning. There is a missing piece to the financial puzzle that needs to be fixed, which is helping families Create an End of Life Celebration Plan.

How to Create Your End of Life Celebration Plan…

Below is a link to four guides I have put together that will help you learn more about how to create your End of Life Celebration Plan:

Download Our 4 FREE Guides to Create Your Smart End of Life Plan

In the financial planning industry, it is very rare that a financial advisor can use the word “guarantee“. And usually the word “guarantee” needs to be accompanied by a prospectus and/or extensive legal disclaimers, documents, and details.

However, when you look at this from a real-life experience like I now can, financial advisors actually have something that we can guarantee every client – which is the fact that some day you will die. Regrettably, this may happen much sooner than anyone could ever imagine or plan. But regardless of the timing, some day your life will end. So begins the two all-important questions…

We All Have Two Choices…

1. Continue to Do Nothing

Do not plan for this guaranteed outcome in any way. After reading this article, you are well aware of the fact that you will be leaving your family behind to unnecessarily suffer through a tremendous amount of difficult emotional and financial decisions, during an extremely difficult time, in addition to coping with their grief and loss over your death.

2. Pre-arrange and/or Pre-Pay Today…

Set aside the time, put in the effort, and create your End of Life Celebration plan that you would want – and that your family deserves. If you are ready to take this step, here are some easy options:

1. Call (800) 379-2511 to speak with a Licensed Funeral Counselor
2. Email me at info@funeralresources.com
3. Visit this page www.funeralreosurces.com/funeral-help
4. Complete this easy 10 question survey in about a minute: www.funeralresources.com/funeral-help-survey

My Mission Going Forward…

My passion is to take this personal experience, learn from it, and turn it into a positive experience through helping other families make a difficult situation easier. Helping families become more educated, empowered, and most importantly, more prepared. My hope and prayer is that I can make my mother very proud one day. I pray that some day she looks down and sees that her never-ending selfless love and legacy will live forever, and that her death has become an inspiration to help others.

Preplanning is Not Fun or Easy…

Like many of the best things in life, nothing good comes easy. So as you would expect, talking about. thinking about, and planning about death and dying is not fun. However, a legendary football coach Vince Lombardi once said;

“The difference between failure and success is largely determined by the
amount of time and preparation put into planning for the future.”

A Gift You Give – and Receive…

After all, what better gift can you leave your family than showing them that you selflessly made time, took that extra step, and sacrificed a small part of your life to show how much you love them. Imagine knowing that one of the last memories you leave behind is that your family knew that you did everything possible to make their lives better. What memory could be better?

After sharing my own personal experience, I hope you can see that this kind of unselfish love actually provides you a huge gift too, and that gift is called peace of mind.

Lastly, I hope watching this video helps too…

Christopher P. Hill, Founder
www.funeralresources.com

By funeraladmin|January 21st, 2010|Categories: average funeral costs, Blog, caskets, cremation urns, Death, end of life, Funeral, Funeral Flowers, Funeral Music, Funeral Planning, funeral planning challenges, general price list, Grief and Loss, memorial service, planning a funeral|Tags: caskets, cremation urns, Death, end of life, end of life planning, Funeral, funeral flowers, Funeral Music, Funeral Planning, funeral planning challenges, general price list, Grief and Loss, Obituary Search, plan a funeral, Preplanning a Funeral|Comments Off

End of Life Plan

Creating an End of Life Plan…

And Leaving the Gift of a Lifetime!

Sometimes I feel as if I am the only person in America who is speaking about one of the most important plans you can create, an End of Life Plan. The harsh reality is that very few individuals, families, or even financial professionals are regularly teaching, practicing, or implementing End of Life Plans.

Nothing Good Comes Easy

Why is that that more than 80% of people in America die without leaving behind their End of Life Plan and preferences? I believe it is because these are the only types of plans that directly addresses death and dying. Therefore, most people would prefer to overlook or ignore this type of conversation. The problem is that, in doing so, you are leaving these matters to your spouse, children, and/or family members – to pile on top of what is already one of the most difficult times of their lives.

The fact of the matter is that an End of Life Plan should be a standard and routine part of a comprehensive financial or retirement plan. Period. It is the missing piece to the financial services puzzle that needs to be fixed.

Fact: Some Day You Will Die

Sure, the last thing any of us want to do is talk or think about is how to plan a funeral. And this is not just “a funeral”, but rather your own personal funeral. So I get it. I fully understand why an End of Life Plan is not such an easy and comfortable discussion. However, some day every single one of us will die (hopefully later versus sooner), but we will die. So this means that “someone” is going to be forced to deal with planning your End of Life Plan and preferences.

So ask yourself this question; “Would you rather take care of your final arrangements yourself, or leave it to your loved ones who are already suffering from the grief and loss of your death compounding insult to injury?”

We all know for a fact, with absolute certainty, that we are all going to die some day, right? So why is it that most people are not talking about this? Why are financial planners not learning the best ways to plan their clients and families for their inevitable death? Why is it that, at the very least, everyone is not taking a few minutes to simply document their End of Life Plans and preferences for our loved ones?

Download Our 4 FREE Guides to Create Your Smart End of Life Plan

Financial Planners Should Encourage an End of Life Plan

In addition to being the Founder of this website, I have worked as financial planner for over 23 years and currently own my own Wealth Management practice.

I mention this because, for the most part, the financial planning industry overlooks and ignores End of Life Plans, Pre Need Plans, and Final Expense Plans. These plans are not widely-recognized as an all-important additions to a comprehensive financial and retirement plan.

To prove this point, here is a fact: Prior to losing a loved one and experiencing how to plan a funeral myself, I had never heard some talked about this subject. This includes all of my 20+ years of studying, training, attending classes, getting licenses and certifications, and more.

How About You and Your Financial Plan?

Has your financial planner discussed this with you? Does your financial plan include your End of Life Plans and preferences? Are these details documented and written down in a safe place? Do you currently have a plan in place for your pre-arranged funeral or cemetery arrangements? Have you created a plan to specifically designate which monies will prepay funeral expenses and funeral costs? Do the people you love know what you really want? Have you notified them regarding the fact that you have taken care of these End of Life Plan details? Do they know where these plans and details are located?

You are Not Alone

If you do not currently have an End of Life Plan in place, you are not alone. Given my personal experience, I can tell you that losing my mother was, by far, the toughest day of my life. And like our situation, here is what happens in most cases. Just about the time when it starts to “sink in” that your loved one is really gone, and your emotions begin to elevate, all of a sudden you find yourself sitting in a Funeral Home or Cemetery, reviewing all of their funeral home services and planning a funeral. This is probably the last thing anyone wants to be doing during a difficult time like this.

Just Some of the Funeral Planning Challenges

• How do you transport the body? Where do you transport it? How soon?
• What vital statistics do we need to gather, and how soon?
• How soon afterwards should the funeral and/or memorial service be?
• How do you determine which Funeral Home, Cemetery, or Funeral Director?
• What if the deceased lives out of town?
• Sitting down with a Funeral Director to review all the details and options
• Try to figure out what your loved one “would have wanted”
• Making some incredibly difficult financial decisions
• Trying to figure out what type of memorial service your loved one “would have wanted”
• Did they want to be cremation or traditional burial?
• Choosing among many different types of caskets or cremation urns
• Where should the final resting place of their body or ashes be?
• How do you coordinate this with your religion/Church?
• Who should be invited, and how do you invite them?
• Arranging travel and accommodation plans for out-of-town guests
• Who will give the funeral eulogy? How to give a eulogy?
• How will this be paid for? Were there any burial insurance or funeral insurance policies?
• Who will speak at the memorial services? Which songs and prayers do you use?
• Do you have a gathering afterwards?
• How do you place an obituary? Who does this?
• Do you want funeral flowers or donations?
• Arranging funeral programs, sending “thank you” cards, and much more…

End of Life Plans Save Money

Another huge benefit to creating an End of Life Plan is that, in addition to saving your family from going through emotional challenges and making difficult decisions, you could very likely save your family thousands – or even millions – of dollars. The reason why is when someone dies, there are many financial matters that accompany the funeral planning such as funeral estate planning, estate taxes, death taxes, capital gains taxes, income taxes, insurance policy proceeds, investments, real estate, bank accounts, mortgages, other debts, and much more.

Plan Now – Don’t Wait!

A wise man once said, “The difference between failure and success is largely determined by the amount of time and preparation put into preparing for the future.” By creating a solid End of Life Plan – and then adding this as a part of a sound and comprehensive financial plan – nothing could be further from the truth!

Download Our Helpful FREE Funeral Planning Checklist

Christopher P. Hill, Founder
FuneralResources.com

By funeraladmin|January 13th, 2010|Categories: Blog, burial, burial insurance, caskets, cremation, cremation urns, Death, dying, end of life, eulogy, final expense, funeral arrangements, Funeral Costs, Funeral Estate Planning, funeral eulogy, funeral expenses, Funeral Flowers, Funeral Insurance, Funeral Planning, Funeral Programs, Funeral Service, funerals, Grief and Loss, how to give a eulogy, How To Plan a Funeral, memorial service, Memorial Services, obituary, Obituary Search, plan a funeral, planning a funeral, Pre Need, pre need plan, prepay funeral expenses, preplan funeral, vital statistics|Tags: Blog, burial, burial insurance, caskets, cremation, end of life, End-of-Life Plan, Funeral Costs, funeral eulogy, funeral flowers, funeral insurance, Funeral Planning, funeral programs, Grief and Loss, how to give a eulogy, plan a funeral, prepay funeral expenses, vital statistics|Comments Off

Funeral Webcasting

Attending a Funeral LIVE…

Or On-Demand

Which is Best? Can You Use Both?

Today Funeral Homes and families can now take advantage of new memorial technology tools. One of these new tools, Funeral Webcasting, offers families the ability to “attend a funeral” and watch a loved one’s Memorial Services on the Internet, the number of families who are searching for, and choosing, this Internet webcast option are growing rapidly.

Differences Between LIVE and On-Demand

LIVE funeral webcasting connects families all over the world, at the time of the funeral service, and is the next-best thing to being there. It brings comfort to the family members who are unable to attend the funeral in person.

On-Demand funeral webcasting is viewed after the funeral service, and usually the actual video footage is made available within hours after the funeral services has ended. Therefore, since they are already in a form of a “stored version”, they can be watched at any later date and as many times as the family member or loved one would like.

Most Funeral Homes Are Choosing On-Demand Webcasts

It is important to point out that, whether a family chooses a LIVE or On-Demand webcast, both are available On-Demand for up to 90 days. However, what we have found in the large majority of our experience in working with Funeral Homes is they are choosing to only broadcast this video footage of the service using On-Demand.

The main reason why most Funeral Directors are choosing On-Demand versus LIVE Webcasts is because it is just plain easier and more efficient for everyone involved. When faced with this educated decision, just about every Funeral Director would not prefer to deal with things like setting up a computer, ensuring connection to the Internet, making sure the camera is working properly, ensuring the camera is pointed optimally for viewing, worrying about the need for Wi-Fi or an air card in remote locations, power outages, dealing with family member who cannot get determine how to get this to play. So if you really think about it, by choosing to use On-Demand, the only requirements are setting up the camera, pushing the “record” button, walking away, and coming back to end this after the service.

So it should be easy to understand based on what was mentioned above, given all of the LIVE broadcast possible challenges, the extensive work involved, as well as the increased probability that there can be many complications, we are seeing many more Funeral Directors choose On-Demand webcasts versus LIVE.

Focus on Offering This Service – Not the Type of Service

Although we simply wanted to point out the fact that we do see a growing trend here, the key thing to note here is that some of our Funeral Homes are more than willing to utilize this LIVE technology service anyway. We also currently have many funeral homes working with us today who absolutely love to broadcast their services LIVE, and have been providing us with some wonderful feedback from their families and their practice.

Whether a Funeral Director chooses either LIVE and On-Demand funeral webcasting, what we have concluded over the years is that each Funeral Home and family is usually unique, and each have a different set of needs. Therefore, our job is not just to aggressively promote the service, but rather promoting and facilitating the “right” kind of webcast technology for each individual situation.

Whether you choose LIVE or On-Demand Funeral Webcasting (or both) is purely a personal choice, and I strongly encourage each Funeral Director to look review all of the advantages and disadvantages with a funeral webcasting professional before making any decisions.

Last, but certainly not least, it is my strong opinion that if there are still any Funeral Directors today who have not yet embraced this popular funeral planning tool as a part of their practice, it is my strong belief that they will soon be saying something like: “I cannot afford NOT offering this helpful technology as a routine service that every family can take advantage of”. The good news is, both the Funeral Directors and the families benefit from having this option.

FREE Licensed Funeral Help – and – End of Life Counselor Support

Courtesy of Curtis Funk, President, FuneralRecording.com.

By funeraladmin|January 12th, 2010|Categories: Funeral Director, Funeral Planning, funeral services, Funeral Technology, Funeral Video, Funeral Webcasting, funeral webcasting live, funeral webcasting on-demand, funerals, memorial service, Memorial Service, Memorial Services, memorial services online, Memorial Technology|Tags: Funeral Director, Funeral Planning, Funeral Webcasting, Memorial Service, Memorial Services, Memorial Technology|Comments Off

Funeral Estate Planning

The Differences Between a Last Will and Living Trust?

Which One is Best For You?

Who Should Have a Last Will?

The sad truth is that most financial advisors and estate planning attorney’s will tell you that approximately 70% of Americans die without and End of Life Plan or Last Will, also known as a Last Will and Testament. In my opinion, this is totally unacceptable! Why? Because I am fully confident that most of us:

• Truly love our family and loved ones
• Would prefer not to place any unnecessary or additional burden on our loved ones during a time of terrible emotional loss

Please allow me to explain why funeral estate planning is so important. Should you pass without so much as a Last Will, the unfortunate reality is that state law will determine how your property is distributed, as well as take control of your estate if you should you become disabled or incompetent.

The Statute Called “The Law of Intestate”

The best way I have found to describe intestate is simply; “having a lawsuit with your state of domicile over the management of your estate”. Put another way, it will not be you or your family who ultimately decides what happens to your assets, your children, and your financial legacy – but rather your state, the government, and your least favorite uncle – Uncle Sam.

I think it is safe to say that your personal wishes for the disposition of your money, children, estate, well-being, and how you want to be remembered would not be exactly the same as that of your state or local government. Therefore, dying without a Last Will is going to put your family through an extremely difficult, time-consuming, and expensive ordeal…at a time when they should be focusing on celebrating your life and the wonderful memories you’ve left behind.

So I think you can reasonably conclude that I firmly believe that everyone, regardless of your net worth, marital status, or age, should have a fully completed and executed Last Will!

Why? Creating a Last Will accomplishes two extremely important things for both you and your family. First, it helps protect you against scenarios in the event something happens unexpectedly such as a disability, incapacity, severe accident, coma, amnesia, etc. Second, as I mentioned above, it becomes one of the greatest gifts we can give our loved ones by making this difficult period easier, less emotional, time-consuming, expensive, and uncertainty.

Why Would Someone Choose a Living Trust?

Most Estate Planning Attorneys will agree that a better and more useful funeral estate planning tool is using a Living Trust, also known as a Revocable Living Trust.

One of the most common questions most families ask is “What are the advantages of creating a Living Trust versus a Last Will”? Well, although a properly structured Last Will is a “must-have”, one of the biggest disadvantages with having a simple Last Will is that it must go through probate.

What is Probate?

Probate is a court supervised procedure by which the court ensures that the assets governed by your Last Will are valued properly, the debts of your estate are paid off, and the remaining assets are properly distributed to the persons named in your Last Will.

The probate process is typically a negative experience, to say the least. Here’s why:

• It is expensive. Legal and executor fees and other costs must be paid from your estate before anything can go to your heirs. The costs are usually estimated at 1-5% of the gross value of an estate (before debts are paid).
• It takes time. Often 1-2 years or longer, depending on your state. During this time, assets are usually frozen and nothing can be distributed or sold without the courts approval. If your family needs money to live, they may have to ask the court for a living allowance, which the court may or may not approve.
• Your family has no privacy. Probate files are open to the public, so anyone (including a business competitor) can see what you owned and whom you owed. This knowledge can also invite disgruntled heirs to contest your Last Will.
• Your family has no control. The probate process controls, and it can be very frustrating for your family to have to pay for the court to tell them who gets what money and when. This frustration very often leads to family feuds, disputes, and family members may even choose to contest the Will.

So as you can see, probate can be a very emotional and difficult process. If you ask anyone who has been through the probate process (like my father), they will very likely tell you it is something you want to avoid at all costs if possible.

That is why many families choose a Living Trust, also called a Revocable Living Trust. A Trust, if drafted by a seasoned Estate Planning Attorney, can be a comprehensive document that will allow you to avoid many of the challenges when handling a deceased estate, such as:

Avoid the probate process
It is extremely hard to contest
Can potentially reduce or eliminate estate taxes
Will preserve your privacy
Expedite the distribution of your estate
Allows parents of small children (like myself) to give specific instructions to the Trustee or Guardians as to when to make distributions to the children, what they can use the money for, and at what ages to begin letting the children have control over some (or all) of the monies
Many other challenges such as special needs, special instructions, multiple marriage situations, etc.

So Which Is Better…A Last Will or a Living Trust?

The reality is there is no exact answer to this question, simply because either a Last Will or a Living Trust can be deemed as most effective, but largely depends on each families personal situation is unique. Therefore, as with any decision that is extremely important to your financial future, the best way to make the right choice is to seek the help of qualified and credible Estate Planning Attorney who can help you determine whether a Last Will or a Living Trust makes the most sense.

One last suggestion that is very important is making sure you work closely together with both your Financial Advisor and Estate Planning Attorney when determining your most appropriate wealth transfer strategy. The reason why this is so important is because you need to ensure that, whether you create a Last Will or a Living Trust, this document is not only established correctly, but also that it is properly coordinated and integrated with the rest of your comprehensive financial plan.

I cannot encourage you strongly enough to be proactive, and take the first steps towards completing this necessary part of your financial and funeral estate planning.

Personally, I am proud to say that my family and I have completed our Funeral Estate Planning, as well as coordinated it with our comprehensive financial plan. This helps me sleep better at night knowing I have created this all-important gift for my family…and I truly wish the same for you!

Download Our 4 FREE Guides to Create Your Smart End of Life Plan

Christopher P. Hill, Founder
FuneralResources.com
www.funeralresources.com

By funeraladmin|January 2nd, 2010|Categories: Blog, Death, end of life, Funeral Estate Planning, Funeral Planning, Last Will, last will and testament, living trust, revocable living trust|Tags: Blog, Death, death estate planning, end of life, Funeral Estate Planning, Funeral Planning, last will, living trust|Comments Off

End of Life Plan Steps

5 Easy Steps Create an End of Life Plan

The Greatest Gift Your Family Will Always Remember

Live As If There’s No Tomorrow

The truth is nobody likes to talk about death or dying. However, the unfortunate reality is that all of us will be forced to deal with this difficult situation at some point, and often times it happens when we least expect it.

Another harsh reality is that the large majority of financial professionals and families overlook or ignore the importance of incorporating a smart end of life plan as a part of a comprehensive financial plan.

I firmly believe that nobody would ever want their family and loved ones to have to deal with any unnecessary emotional and financial decisions (or costly expenses), during what could arguably be the worst times of their life. However, yet another harsh reality is that over 70% of people who die fail to leave their family and loved ones as much as a basic Will, also called a Last Will and Testament.

Use These 5 Easy Steps:

I’ve put together 5 easy steps that should help every family improve their financial plan, simply by adding these key pieces of a smart end of life plan:

1. Finish your Last Will or Living Trust, Living Will and other end of life directives.

2. Complete our FREE Family Record Guide, which contains funeral plans including:

• A budget for the funeral costs that will be involved
• Your preference on a burial or cremation
• The location of your burial, or where you wish your ashes scattered
• Decide if you want a large memorial service or a small one
• Pre-arrange the caskets or cremation urns you like
• Choose officiates and others you want to run or speak at your service
• Pick the funeral music and Video Tribute you wish to have played
• What you would want engraved on your tombstone

3. Create a “love drawer”, which is a central location where you keep all your end of life plans mentioned above. Choose someone to tell, and update it every two years.

4. Consider using funeral insurance, such as pre need or final expense plans, which are specifically designed to pre-pay for all of your plans and funeral expenses

5. Take advantage of the new memorial technology tools such as:

• Consider funeral webcasting on the Internet, so everyone possible can “attend”
• Build your own personal DVD Video Tribute, complete with songs and pictures
• Create and design a memorial website, who loved ones can share together online

Benefits to You and Your Family

By taking these steps now and creating your end of life plan in advance, you are sending your family a very strong message – which says that you cared enough to make this difficult time a little easier. Not only with they thank you, but they will remember this selfless gift of love forever!

Download Our 4 FREE Guides to Create Your Smart End of Life Plan

Chris Hill, Founder
https://funeralresources.com

By funeraladmin|December 30th, 2009|Categories: Blog, burial, caskets, cremation, cremation urns, cremations, Death, dvd video tribute, end of life, family record guide, final expense, Funeral Costs, funeral expenses, Funeral Insurance, Funeral Video, Funeral Webcasting, funeral webcasting live, Last Will, living trust, Love Drawer, Memorial Technology, Memorial Website, plan a funeral, pre need plan, prepay funeral expenses, Video Tribute|Tags: Blog, burial, caskets, cremation, Death, end of life, final expense, Funeral Costs, funeral insurance, Funeral Music, Funeral Webcasting, last will, living trust, Love Drawer, memorial website, Pre Need, Video Tribute|Comments Off

Funeral Etiquette

Funeral Etiquette for

the Family of the Deceased

It’s not always easy to know what to say or do at a time of loss. Just being there for a friend or family member can be a comfort. However, there is funeral etiquette to be followed when someone passes away. Customs for expressing sympathy vary according to religious and ethnic background. The following information is a suggested guideline for what is generally accepted during a funeral. It is best to be aware of expectations to avoid acting in an inappropriate manner.

When to Notify?

The immediate family should receive notification first, preferably in-person or by telephone, followed by the closest relatives and friends. Be sure to provide the name and address of the funeral home for the delivery of funeral flowers. The service details can be relayed later when available

Dress Code?

Though it is no longer necessary to dress in black, do show respect when picking out your funeral attire. Conservative suits or dress-clothes, in dark, respectful colors are most appropriate. It is advisable to avoid floral or busy patterns.

What are Typical Visitation Rights?

Upon learning of a death, it is customary for intimate friends of the family to visit the family either at their residence or funeral home. It would probably be more comfortable for all concerned to meet and learn more about their funeral home services since they are fully prepared for visitors. Each family should decide the number of family members needed during calling hours.

It is also not necessary for family members to engage in long conversations; a simple “Thank you, it means so much to have friends like you at this time,” is adequate. If the casket is open during calling hours, some visitors may want to bid farewell to the deceased. Although sometimes a visitor will request that a family member accompany them to view the body, it is not a requirement.

Funeral Service Duration?

Modern funeral or memorial services are usually brief and last approximately 30 minutes.

Cemetery Service Duration?

The graveside service tends to be brief. Customarily, once the commitment ritual is complete and the casket has been lowered to ground level, the family typically departs. The casket is then placed in a vault, interred, and funeral flowers placed on the grave.

What Typically Happens Immediately After the Memorial Service ?

Immediately after the funeral service, the family sometimes invites the attendees to join them for food or a reception at their home or designated place. This gives everyone a chance to talk and provides some time to relax and refresh. Sometimes friends or church members will take it upon themselves to prepare food ahead of time and relieve the family of this task.

How Should You Respond After the Funeral?

For several days after the service, the family should be permitted to rest and have time to handle the myriad details that accompany such an occasion. While some families enjoy the diversion of visits and calls from friends and family, others prefer complete privacy. It is not inconsiderate to cut short calls at this time.

What About Sending Thank You Notes?

Most Funeral Directors can supply you with generalized thank you cards or the family may choose to send a more personal thank you note. The thank you notes should be a concise, personal, and specific. Also, yielding to modern tradition, a simple thank you card with a signature is accepted, with or without a personal note

Who Should Get a Thank You Note?

1. Anyone who sent a gift or card to the family deserves a thank you note. This would include anyone who sent funeral flowers, brought food, sent a memorial contribution, or in some other substantial way acknowledged the deceased. The notes should be sent within two weeks of the death

2. A personal note is suggested for thanking the clergy person. If an offering or donation is sent, send it in a separate envelope. Never include it in the thank you note

3. Pallbearers should also be sent a personal message of thanks

4. For individuals who sent funeral flowers, you may wish to send a personal note or sympathy card. Including a sympathy poem or sympathy quote that expresses your feelings is always thoughtful.

5. For groups or organizations that sent flowers, send a note to the head of the group and remember to include all the members of the group in your note. If individual member names appear on the floral card, a separate note should be sent to each one but a personal message is not necessary.

6. Friends who have volunteered their time and effort helping in any way deserve a separate written thank you. If the volunteers are close to the family, you may prefer to thank them in person.

Funeral Etiquette for Friends and Distant Relatives

Upon Receiving the News ? When learning that a relative or friend has died, you should express your condolences and offer assistance as soon as possible. Only very close friends of the deceased and the immediate family are expected to visit the family before the funeral. Let the family know if you will be attending the funeral. It is important to keep the conversation brief taking in account their emotional state of grief and loss, and that they will be receiving numerous similar calls.

Funeral Flowers Etiquette?

Unless the family asks that donations should be made in lieu of flowers, you should honor their request. Many people consider it obligatory to send flowers unless there is a prohibitive note in the newspaper notice.

Thoughtful Memorial Gifts:

1. Food for the Family? Food is always a welcome gift as there are always visitors around that need to be fed. Make sure to prepare dishes that require little preparation.

2. E-mail? E-mail is only appropriate from those who are not intimate with the family such as a business associate.

3. Phone Calls? All calls should be as brief as possible.

4. Mass Cards? If the deceased was a Catholic, some people will send a mass card instead of or in addition to flowers. Catholics and non-Catholics can arrange for a mass to be said for the deceased

5. Donation to Suggested Charity? Usually the family will designate a specific organization or charity. Remember to provide the family’s name and address to the charity so they can send proper notification. Often the funeral home will offer a direct link to the charity requested by the family

Dress Etiquette?

When Paying Respects ?

It is traditional for friends to visit the funeral home prior to the day of the funeral or memorial service. The obituary in the newspaper will have the details as to the day and time for visitations

Etiquette for Casket Viewing?

Before or after the service, friends will often go up to the casket for a final farewell. It is not obligatory and is totally left to your discretion

Attending the Service ?

It is suggested that one arrive at the funeral home at least ten minutes before the service begins. Funeral services usually start on time and it is considered rude to be late. Enter quietly and be seated. Do not conduct an animated discussion in the chapel; the mood should be somber. Do not try to talk with family members you feel are suffering from bereavement if you arrive early. The first few rows are reserved for family members. At the conclusion of the service, you will want to leave promptly and wait in your car if you plan to follow the procession to the cemetery. Remember to turn your headlights on so you can be identified as being a part of the procession. The headlights are to be turned off once you arrive at the cemetery. Attending the graveside service is optional and is usually determined by the relationship between the individual and the bereaved family.

Download Our Helpful FREE Funeral Planning Checklist

By funeraladmin|December 4th, 2009|Categories: Bereavement, Blog, Death, funeral dress attire, funeral dress code, Funeral Etiquette, funeral etiquette tips, Funeral Flower Arrangements, Funeral Flowers, Funeral Home Services, Funeral Planning, funeral services, funeral thank you cards, Grief and Loss, memorial service, Memorial Services, obituary, Obituary Search, sympathy poems, sympathy quote|Tags: Bereavement, Blog, Death, funeral etiquette, funeral flowers, Funeral Home Services, Memorial Service, obituary, sympathy card, sympathy poem, sympathy quote, thank you cards|Comments Off

Previous 3 456 Next

Plan a Funeral

How a Funeral Director Can Help

You Plan a Funeral

Grief and Loss

Wearing of Wedding Rings

After the Loss of a Spouse

Grief and Loss

Funerals For Children

Grief and Loss

Death of a Parent

Grief and Loss

Children at the Deathbed

Grief and Loss

The Empty Space

Make a Plan:

Start Something New:

Rearrange Your Space:

Decide Who You Are:

End of Life, Death, and Dying

Death and End of Life are

the Great Equalizers

Pet Death

Children and Pet Loss

Question:

Here is some information from the article which might be of help to you:

There are things you can do to help your son heal. They are:

Cremation Memorials

Cremation Memorials Help the Bereaved

Types of Cremation Memorials

Memorial Diamonds

Keepsake Jewelry

Keepsake Urns

Cremation Painting

Memorial Pottery

Terminal Illness

Helpful Considerations When

Facing a Terminal Illness

Find Funeral Help

Find a Pre-Screened and Qualified™

Funeral Professional Near You

What to Look for in a Funeral Professional:

Funeral Planning Help

Three Most Common Reasons Families

Need Help Planning a Funeral

1. A loved one has recently passed:

2. A loved one has been diagnosed as terminally ill:

3. Preplanning your end-of-life plans and preferences

How To Give a Eulogy

Giving a Eulogy is Hard To Do…

But Good Things Don’t Come Easy

Tips To Giving a Good Eulogy

Giving a eulogy is a good thing for you

Don’t feel like you have to accept this offer

Creating a funeral eulogy will be difficult

Don’t worry about time

Remember who to speak to

Be sure to put your thoughts in writing

You might be struck with emotion or cry

Practice, practice, practice

Prepare yourself for in case something goes wrong

Consider using humor

In summary

New Memorial Technology

Funeral Directors and Families Benefit From New Memorial Technology

The following is a true story;

The moral of the story…

New Memorial Technology – or Not?

Click Here to See:

Two things we know for certain…

End of Life

My Personal Story…

That’s Not So Easy To Share…

Looking Back…

What Happens After a Loved One Passes?

Things I Bet You Never Thought About…

It is Time For Change…

How to Create Your End of Life Celebration Plan…

We All Have Two Choices…

My Mission Going Forward…

Preplanning is Not Fun or Easy…

Funeral Directors and Families Benefit From
New Memorial Technology